family matters, pt 2

my grandpa, on my father's side, turned 90 this year. it's hard to believe that just five years ago, he was dancing at our wedding and out-pacing me around the stanford campus. he was still swimming and playing tennis daily (he loves his tennis, tea, and ties). nowadays, he can barely walk. as healthy as he's been, though, i remember him telling us that watching his dear friends pass away makes longevity not worth it.

his birthday celebration will be in august, and we were actually (informally) invited! i've often felt like i missed out on something special not being invited to family gatherings and reunions.

so my uncle called me up one night, when i was half-asleep, and asked if we could house my grandpa for 2.5 weeks. i jumped at the chance and agreed, but i really should have discussed it with manny (which i normally do) and thought more about it with a baby in the picture. but what were my other options? putting a relative, especially an elderly one, in a hotel is unheard of. after talking to my mom and learning more about my grandfather's illnesses, i had a change of heart, but didn't know how to approach it. so my mom (who's very bold) took care of it. i don't know exactly what she did, but the next time i spoke with my uncle, the plans had changed. it's a relief. i may be approaching 30, but i still had to let the "adults" work it out. i felt very awful about rescinding, but naomi's immunity isn't developed enough. i guess for the time being, i have to choose her over my grandfather. :( there's still a chance he might have to stay here for a little while, so we'll prepare ourselves.

manny's parents and sister will be visiting right before he arrives. normally, i'd be worried about cleaning and cooking something fancy, but i think they'll understand. maybe i'll be back to hostessing around thanksgiving. but either way, i've learned you don't have to do everything to be a decent mother. a lot of that can be vanity. it's fine for us to do things for others, as long as it's not to obtain their approval.

family matters, pt 1:

one of the most practical lessons i've learned from manny is to nod my head and reply, "yes, i understand" whenever parents offer advice. for example, everytime we see my mother, i receive the why-aren't-you-a-doctor lecture leading to our seemingly endless volley of to be or not to be. usually i counter it with my own shortcomings: but mom, my hands are so shaky, i'd be sued for malpractice. but mom, i'm so squeamish, i'd be sick all the time.

and when i go to manny later to take my side, he has to instead remind me -- i'm not a teenager anymore, but i'm acting out of teenage angst and even justifying it. if i would just say, "yes, thank you," my mother would take that as a sign of maturity. i initially want to refute this, but then i remember that what he says is true. rather than thinking there actually can be justification for my actions, or believing the worst, i need to understand that loving my mother does not mean i have to be a doctor and be good enough (yes, i'm being told that a master's in engineering from stanford is still not my true potential). love means that that i don't argue and sin against her, that i show my appreciation of her without conditions.

so i have been surprised that this "tactic" of just listening and loving apparently works. my mom is now okay with me working from home. before, she said she would move in with us so i would continue with my career. i now see that as an offer rather than a threat. i can whole-heartedly say, "thanks, i appreciate that. i know you have my well-being and best interests in mind," as i do with her when we discuss issues if faith. now she's really looking out for naomi in a good way (that story i'll save for next time).

Get me out of here! I guess she can bear her weight on her legs now...

no sleeping on the job:

i've read a few other parents' horror stories. my situation isn't that bad, and i'm getting more sleep than i did in high school or college. but i feel more exhausted this time around. maybe i just forgot how it was then. or maybe i'm just showing my age. or maybe it's because i finally started making up for the lost sleep in recent years, so i'd grown accustommed to having more.

i remember one night in college when cecille, also majoring in chemical engineering and bioengineering, and i said good night to our roommate tiffany -- and then next thing we knew, we were saying good morning to her, still working on the same problem set. i remember all the all-nighters. i'd hoped to make it up on the weekends, but sometimes family emergencies would arise and i'd have to drive home. i don't remember how many times i fell asleep at the wheel, probably the scariest occasion was one where i'd fallen asleep and drifted across three lanes. and this is on the 405 in l.a. my life was spared. and i also remember taking a snooze at red lights a couple times. i wouldn't recommend that. no one wants to be jolted into consciousness by an angry honk subsequently accompanied by a passing bird.

grad school wasn't much better -- i set fire to our kitchen and was so sleepy, i was like, "oh. fire. hmmm...i should put that out, shouldn't i?" i dragged my feet getting the extinguisher. good thing i knew how to use those in my sleep.

so this is why i don't drive around much with naomi. but i do have a related story. the other day, when we were at bryan and orawin's place, i was so tired i fell off the chair with naomi in my arms. some instinct kicked in and i managed to do some kind of backwards somersault/roll to my feet with her in my arms. crazy. i was so jazzed from that. i'm surprised i escaped the worst without serious injury to myself or others. thank God. sleep shouldn't be worshipped, but it serves a good purpose.

the new naomi:

Before: After:


Naomi, 3 months old at last!

What a difference a couple weeks makes. Suddenly Naomi's not crying for hours, almost inconsolably, anymore. Now she's just a normal fussy baby. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear flatulence -- her digestion is improving little by little. Even though she fusses and cries during feedings, naptimes, bedtime, and just generally in spurts throughout the day, I'll take that any day over what it was like before. I'm still getting about the same amount of sleep, but I feel ten times better just not having the stress of her screaming. And she smiles as much as she cries, sometimes smiling and crying at the same time when she's confused. And when she's not so emotional, she's usually trying to jam both thumbs in her mouth. That's a relief, too, since she wouldn't take a pacifier (I've tried 5 different kinds of pacis out of desperation, even though I was originally set against them).

Oddly enough, she stopped wanting to roll and now just creeps forward instead. She's all out of order - another reason not to put too much confidence in books. It's strange how over the course of a couple weeks, the vacuum that used to calm her started making her cry. She stopped wanted to be carried over our shoulder. She's like a different baby. She still has some issues with her reflux, so she still feeds in small increments throughout the day, but it's manageable and I'm getting accustommed to managing it. I'm thankful that she wasn't an easy baby after all -- I really see unconditional love in a new light.

who's who pt 2:

cont'd from last time:

belle and cooking4engineers i simply found through a search engine. i like poetry, but didn't have time to read a lot of it, so i looked up "short poetry" and found belle's other site. and i don't know the owner of cooking4engineers, but i really enjoy that site -- it's like "america's test kitchen."

ttcsatt (t-there's cool stuff at the thrift) -- i preserved his anonymity only because you can find him fairly easily in various corners of the internet. he's more or less been my very cool email pal for 12(!) years and always fun to talk to. his is a photoblog, but i consider it a read b/c the captions are so funny. he told me about cockeyed and metafilter. rob of cockeyed is very witty. i liked the birth story of his daughter so much, i read it twice. metafilter is more of an "interesting link" site, with the paradox of members who think outside the box sounding off rather narrow opinions on current events and internet finds. i haven't been to that site in a while.

bert is someone whom i found on friendster while looking for someone else (enoch & karen). hadn't spoken to him in maybe ten years and come to find out he teaches/serves at a church in the UK! and married! (congrats!) but still a big mac fan (i mean ardent mac fan, not the mickey d's sandwich), still plays the guitar, still is into sports. bert was instrumental in my finding christ at the end of my freshman year, although he might not even know that.

kevin, rommel, ivan, may, jenni, ray, and roger are all friends i met in college through our church/bible study at the time. kevin & rommel i'm closest to, but unfortunately we don't get to see them often, so the blog is a good way to stay updated. kevin is the skitguru, hilarious guy, but also very deep. rommel is a video guru, quiet, shares similar interests. ivan & may are married -- i don't think we've seen them since their wedding! they left the american dream behind to follow God's calling. jenni -- i don't remember how i found her blog or if she found mine first, but i love her writing. comedy is often just something you already know pointed out in a unique way. that goes for all the blogs previously mentioned. and last, but not least are ray and roger's blogs, which are spiritual encouragements and testimonials. i remember roger rebuked me once for being overly blunt (i'm still working on that!). that's why i consider him a real friend.

ok, back to naomi next time. it'll be a happy post -- she's outgrown the colic!

updates/who's who:

updates:
-manny's cousin vanessa had a baby boy (everyone's having boys!), david antonio. congratulations!
-a squirrel has dug a small hole in our ceiling. if they weren't protected by law...
-naomi turned 3 months old yesterday. will post about her later.
-i had a dream last night that i witnessed my dad being shot by some shady businessmen and my first thought was, "oh no, he never got to see his granddaughter."

know me, know my friends (the long and short of it):
larissa (you can buy her latest album - it's good) emailed me the other day to let me know she'd be up here to perform at a concert and a wedding and would like to see us. i don't know how she does it, so so busy, but always makes time for me. i think about her everyday, but i don't act on it all the time.

so it got me thinking about friendship and how people meet and why some stay friends while others drift apart. i guess it comes down to the essence of the bond. larissa is usually off touring the country, and lives down south, but i see her more often than tiffany, who lives only 15 minutes from us. but i have just as little in common with both of them. i guess the bond with tiffany was from the fact that we were placed together as roommates our freshman year (actually cecille was supposed to be my roommate, but tiffany got her booted, that's another story). if we hadn't lived together, i don't know if and how tiff and i would have met. but it was, of course, meant to be, as it led us both to christianity even though i'd spent half that year trying to convince her there was no God, though i was feigning faith to people around me. and you know the saying, mysterious ways, and i turned full circle.

i lost a few high school friends after my conversion in college. they thought i'd either become a conformist (quite the contrary) or went off the deep end. i think it came down to the fact that i wasn't going to be the loner-poetic type anymore, so the connection was gone with those particular friends. i have a lot of non-christian friends, and i know they/you "accept," but don't agree (but i do desire for us to have that bond someday). the bond i have with christian friends is more familial. they/you are my brothers and sisters. but still, we tend to gravitate towards certain people, even in the church, with whom we more quickly develop a level of comfort.

and last but not least, i introduce the reads list now. i do read a couple other blogs, like my cousin's, but those aren't for the public. i'll start with peg. i found her site simply because i was looking for a summary about a mexico cruise. then it turned out we had a mutual friend. anyway, she inspired me to start blogging, so you can blame her. she sounds just like she does in person, which is a wonderful thing. and she's very easy to talk to and the only webbie friend i've met in person. through her site, i found 6togo, cyn, aiyah (winnie), and also littleyellowdifferent (ernie). the first three i've exchanged emails with and i have many compliments for them, but don't have time to write it all here. i guess we all have asian female blogger syndrome. 6 is an entertainment/travel/photo buff, great listener. cyn is a fellow mom and an artist, very caring. winnie is a real connoisseur and experience seeker. as for littleyellowdifferent, it is more of a "via" site and we'll probably never have an exchange -- we could be polar opposites, except for the one thing we have in common: an older sibling diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. their symptoms/actions are remarkably similar, but our responses are very different. but his site is more for comic relief than a pity party.

ok, this is longer than i thought it would be, so i'll have to continue with the rest later on...

knock knock:

an actual photo of me with the baby!


clarice and john dropping by saturday morning

i didn't know when i'd ever be ready to invite people over, but so far friends have been taking it upon themselves to drop by on short notice. i secretly like this, because then there is no expectation set for my appearance, which has been disheveled at best.

some people have been shocked to see me made up. going to a school of hotties like ucla, and because my parents were blunt, i often felt like the ugliest girl around. so i didn't try to look better. and i honestly didn't see a point in making myself up until i got married (usually the opposite seems to be true). well, being a new mom, i took a few steps back. but judy has offered me a makeover/spa day up in the city when i'm ready. then i will be looking nice for manny again. i am now 12 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight, and i can't wait to get back in some of my clothes again. i'm refusing to buy new clothes this year -- it'll be a good motivation to lose the weight.

wow, what a tangent. back to the visit thing, we went to brian & orawin's new place (so many people moving!) for lunch after church and i was reminded that even if we never "feel like" doing anything anymore, making that extra effort to get naomi out of the house and meeting people is very much worth it. but i'm still usually too dizzy to drive, so manny has to be around.

we're having our friends james & keith over for dinner tonight. it's a shame that james had to more or less come up with the idea and invite himself, but i'm glad he did. other than the casserole i made for the davies', a family that just adopted a recently orphaned girl, i haven't cooked much from scratch since naomi was born (unless you count stir-fry ). so it's stouffer's enchiladas and rice tonight. ain't no shame in it -- because having a child like naomi, i have very little pride now (i mean sinful pride, not positive parental pride).

i wanted to do it all, be on top of things, but i've had to let that go. so hard for someone as anal and stubborn as i was. but i do struggle with envy toward other moms whose babies are sleeping at night and have time for themselves. this world doesn't make it easy for me to just be there for naomi and enjoy her all day. even now i'm typing with one hand and holding her in the other.

it's hot. our place doesn't get that hot, except maybe a couple weeks a year. not enough to justify buying an air conditioner, but when you're in those hot weeks, you're wishing you'd purchased one before they were sold out.

next time, i'll introduce you to my reads list.

princess naomi is working hard at sitting up on her own. that shouldn't happen for another two or three months, but she's well on her way. look at that concentration - haha! what a grouch.

naomi fusses a lot if i don't stand her up on my lap. she tries to walk and jump, too, but it hurts my c-section scar, so i've had to stick her in the jumperoo. she's just a peanut, and doesn't fit in it. i have to place a pillow underneath. but i love seeing her smile!

small note: in my previous post i said manny quoted the books -- i meant to say he does that, never having read them. a lot of moms say these books were lifesavers and godsends, but i guess i could've just asked my husband.

next post will not be about naomi, promise. i plan to write about friends.

face it:

faceanalyzer.com - interesting - i haven't experimented to see if it would say i'm smarter with glasses on (probably not). but it does say i'm mostly korean, which a lot of people, even koreans, think that i am. the list of possible races is a bit short?

manny and i were both "beta academics." i didn't really read the full analyses, though, since this was just for fun. and i posted this before, but alllooksame has a fun quiz (i got 10 out of 18). or test your asian IQ (i got 5 out of 8).

my results:



manny's results (with glasses), which i thought were dead-on:



and for fun, i used naomi's 4th of july photo below, and was surprised by the race results:

as of late:

naomi's reflux is improving. her wheezing, gagging, sleep apnea, and vomiting are being replaced by normal spit-up and lots of drool and only the occasional choking. nothing like bigger issues to make you appreciate the little things, like your child's breathing. her colic is also starting to subside, although now she's just fussy all the time. colic is different from normal crying. it's more like screaming for hours and hours daily, almost inconsolably (and yes, we swaddled, swung, sang, jumped, paced, vacuumed, drove, danced, rocked, fed, changed diapers and diets, medicated, the works). she only has that for an hour or two at night now, but at least manny's around then.

nowadays, she smiles and babbles and coos just as much as she cries, so it's been a real relief for me. i'm still hoping she'll sleep more at night once her digestion improves. i'm still only getting about 2-4 hours a night. i try to wind her down the second she yawns, but then she'll rub her eyes, bang her head against me repeatedly, and continue to pop up her head like a jack-in-the-box to find more things to observe -- "must...study...objects..."

yesterday we watched her videos from the last couple months. three things we noticed: 1) we usually started the camera too late (or she'd be so fixated upon the camera, she'd stop whatever cute thing she was doing), 2) some of the things we thought were so film-worthy, we take for granted now, and 3) we seem like we're desperate for that "money shot," sometimes ignoring her coughing and sneezing and trying to get her to smile.

i've been going over my resignation letter in my head. i'm glad bring that corporate world chapter of my life to a close. i was good at it, certainly better at it than what i'm doing now, but it was only a means to an end. i'll still try to find work i can do from home, but not immediately.

more realizations:
1. toes have never been more useful than they are to me now. my armpits are still bare, per my previous post about it, but those hairs were useless anyway. tmi?
2. "domestic engineering" can often be a thankless job. but you know and God knows who you are and what you do.
3. i didn't think i could forget the feeling of wanting to check myself into a mental institution, or at least a hotel, but i have.
4. when i don't think about the future, except to realize i'll never have this day again, i can make the most of my time and the days seem much shorter. (consider psalm 118:24, james 4:13-15, ephesians 5:15-16)
5. i used to pray for wisdom to get through the week, then it became grace to get through the day, and sometimes now it's just energy to get through the next hour.
6. my diet is much more restricted now than when i was pregnant!
7. manny often quotes many of the selling points of these popular baby advice books -- should've trusted his exceptional instincts (or common sense) from the start.

my heart and prayers go out to those in london -- we were just there last year, riding the double decker and the underground (subway)... traveling makes the world much smaller, as does tragedy.

photo time:

Here's the album:
Naomi - 2 months old / 4th of July

Here are a couple of them:

naomi in her fourth of july outfit (from nelda). we went to an all-city picnic and babies r us that day.

meeting miguel (3.5 months older, also half-chinese/half-mexican) at damien & janean's housewarming party on july 2.

naomi and her "friend" flying through the air.