traditions and changes:

We've been going to Great America's trick or treating for kids since Lucas was a baby, and pumpkin patches every year since Naomi was born.  This is the first year we're not doing the pumpkin patches, because Lucas did not meet his commitments for earning the trip.  It's also the first year Naomi didn't join us.  I think she's getting too old to dress up for the kids' events, and it makes me sad.  Lucas asked today if we're going back to Legoland, and I said probably not.  Naomi's too big for many of the rides.  Also, our lives have changed a lot, especially with Naomi going into school, making those vacations more unlikely to happen.  Lucas was quiet, probably disappointed, but he accepted it.  Isaac said, "I don't like Disneyland or Legoland, only Yogurtland."  (probably true)  Coming to the realization of how fast life is passing by made me a little sad.  (I'm listening to "I'm Gonna Be Ready" by Yolanda Adams right now, which makes me a little emotional, too).  

It really wasn't the same being at the event without Naomi.  They also did not have the talking pumpkin or the bubble foam pit this year, but it was also special in its own way.  Lucas has often not wanted to participate in the trick or treat lines with the Peanuts characters, but he did it this year.  I think he liked being completely covered up.  I get it.  It was pretty fun overall, but one of the boys threw a tantrum, so we left.  

We went to lunch at Red Robin, and a police officer actually refilled Manny's drink for him.  We don't have bucket lists, but I guess we could check that one off if we did.  They were there to raise funds for Special Olympics.  I needed some iron, and the burger and sweet potato fries did the trick (but I probably didn't need all the fat).  Later, Manny took Naomi out to eat and run errands, and they had a good talk.  I'm thankful he didn't have to go into work and was able to spend some time with her and with all of us.  

I always relish the hand-holding moments--they won't last forever.

Lucas and I waiting for the other two while they go up the tower.

Merry-go-round.

Yay!

Isaac wanted to be a firetruck (but he's a fireman), and there's Lucas the friendly ghost.

Lucas loves this ride, but I think it scared Isaac a little bit.

So sweet when they still love meeting characters.

Isaac doesn't want any distraction when he's going up this tower.

View from the tower.  I'm scared of heights, but it wasn't too bad.

Just another day on the job.

Balloons!

nature boys (more hiking fun):

Our second big hike this school year was in some forested mountains near Loma Prieta.  One of the families from our homeschool group owns a property there, so we got to enjoy their tree fort and play structures and have lunch on a high deck with a great view.  The first part was different from any hike I'd done before because instead of even trails, almost the entire first trail was full of small, jagged rocks and slippery gravel.  The three of us slipped and fell a few times, usually when we ran into each other or some distraction.  But the two hikes weren't too long, just very steep at parts.  Isaac surprisingly made it all the way up on his own.  My arms actually hurt more than my legs today, because I had to carry Isaac all the way back down due to the steepness and all the rocks (which is when I slipped, but I was able to fall without injury to either of us).  Same with the second trail to a creek.  In that case, there were many fallen trees for us to traverse, and it was quite a feat to maneuver through them.  It almost felt like trying to make it through those laser trip devices you see in movies.  A couple of men came by to saw away the fallen trees, so going back was easier.

Lucas was more afraid at first this time, because many parts of the trail were out in the open rather than covered in trees, so we could easily see how high we were.  But once we made it to the top, he wasn't scared anymore.  He even said that the pain was so worth it.  :)  I didn't tell him till the mom who owns the property said that she saw Lucas' pants brush up against poison oak.  I changed him in the car.  Good thing she told us to bring a change of clothes in case of poison oak or getting wet in the creek.  Lucas just hopped from rock to rock there, and didn't get in the water.

We missed Naomi.  I normally wouldn't drive out like that while N's in school, but the hike was in the morning, and I figured when I signed up that we would have made it back in time after her club meeting.  However, her club meeting was cancelled.  Thankfully, she was able to go to a trusted friend's house (her mom and I are friends, and she picked them up), and then I picked her up a half hour later.  I was upset with the boys, because they dillydallied at times, or we would have made it back in time, but all was well in the end.

It's a challenge to balance our schedules sometimes, but hiking is one of the best activities for Lucas right now.  He gets out and exercises, learns so much, and builds up his confidence and his appreciation for nature.  He also will go with the rest of the group with my permission instead of clinging to me, and that's healthy for him as well.  He is fairly fast on his feet, but many sports required the ability to listen to instructions and to be competitive with groups of children, and those things are very challenging for Lucas without certain cues and special help.

It was a long drive, and fairly confusing.  Their property didn't have paved roads or signs.  I'm so thankful I didn't get lost.  On the way out, there were three paths, and I seriously just prayed and guessed which one to take and made it.  In the years when Lucas and Isaac were toddlers, they cried so often and so long in the car, with ear-piercing screams.  It was too distracting and dangerous for me on the winding mountain roads, so I never drove out on my own to visit Manny's aunt, uncle, and cousin at their house in the woods.  Manny always drove.  But now that I finally can, they've moved away.  I was kind of sad as I drove by the exit to their old house.  I can imagine now I would take the boys often to go visit and hike (and fish--something they both wanted to do there and we never got to).

Isaac was so excited to climb up to the tree fort.

Redwoods flanking the fort.

We made it to the monument!  We were the last to arrive again, but the other boys were encouraging.  "You can do it!"

This is how the trails were.  Steep with lots of rocks (and lots of poison oak).  

The view from "the monument," where we put rocks in a large pile to represent all those who've visited their property.

Lucas heading down with the woman who owns the property so that he wouldn't have to wait for Isaac.

He was smiling right before I took this.  He's eating trail mix here, which he loves.

The picnic area is up on this deck where he asked me to take this photo.  You can tell the difference between the photos he wants to take and the photos I make him take (by his facial expression).

Holding hands, which they rarely do.

Isaac climbing up the fort again.  Lucas joined him after this.

Second trip was out to this creek.

Boys wanted this photo.  The car is at an angle, so Lucas fell over.  Good lesson in gravity.

time to eat / o's birthday:

Last Saturday we went to Lucas and my optometrist appointment and then had Chinese for a late lunch.  Usually Manny picks the place; I don't really have a preference.  He really liked their claypot tofu, and we also had chow mein and broccoli beef for the kids.  Manny likes that Sichuan (Szechuan) spicy flavor like my mom does.  We went home, and I hurried out without changing for dinner with my friend O for her birthday.  We also browsed a couple of stores afterward.  It was raining, and I had some deja vu to when I was in college and used to go out shopping with friends at night in the rain.  And just like back then, I wasn't keen on buying anything.  I did get a t-shirt, and O. bought the same one.  We have the same favorite color and similar clothing style.  And we tend to order the same dinners unintentionally, too.  :)  We also stopped by a cosmetics store, but they didn't carry what she needed.  I've noticed that since having kids, I enjoy shopping more, but I still don't shop much for myself.  Manny would probably like me to freshen up my wardrobe, but it takes a lot of time for me to shop, because few things ever fit me properly or fall within what I'm willing to spend.  I still wear a lot of hand-me-downs and used clothing, but they're nice and don't cost me much.  I also have an Old Navy credit card that I put  major expenses on, namely medical bills, so we get a lot of free clothes that way.  We pay off our balances right away, so it's not costing us extra.  Anyway, it was really nice to be out with O. again.  We live farther from each other now, but we try to get together at least for our birthdays.  

Claypot tofu for Manny.

Birthday tiramisu with the birthday girl.  She warned them not to sing to her.  lol

pumped up:

Had a Groupon, took the boys to an indoor inflatable play place.  Fun times ensued.  It's harder with Lucas now to know whether he's going to have one of his off days or earn his way to a special event, so it's easier for me to just go spontaneously than invite a lot of others.  It was still packed there on a weekday.

Taking a good look at themselves.

Always good to see them play together without fighting.

See saw was a bit unbalanced.

That's Lucas near the top of the inflatable rock wall.

Isaac shooting balls.

This was a Wipeout-inspired structure with three giant balls to jump across.

Popping bubbles.

Bonus ice cream at the end.

science and history class:

Lucas has been taking a weekly science class.  We barely squeezed it into our schedule, but I think it's been worth it.  One of my friend's sons had taken classes there.  While we enjoy learning science at home, in nature, or at an interactive exhibit, I haven't done as many larger-scale experiments with Isaac around.  The day after I signed him up, Lucas said to me that he missed the experiments we used to do and wished Isaac were older .  So, that reaffirmed my decision.  So far, he really enjoys the class, but as with other classes, his language processing issues make the instructions confusing, and the teacher or the aide have to work with him closely or demonstrate visually what to do.  I had been reviewing the main points with him afterward, but lately I've been sitting out with Isaac and missing the bulk of the lessons.  The aide said they may start some group activity for the little siblings, so I hope that works out.  The instructor uses a very fun storytelling/drawing method to make the ideas easier to digest, but Lucas can't follow along well.  I can imagine him struggling in a classroom environment this way, but there are no grades for this class, and he learns by watching the instructor's drawings and demos and then doing the experiment on his own.  

Lucas also participated in an online U.S. history overview course I found through Outschool.  I enjoyed the class, but I think a lot of it was over Lucas' head.  The instructor was wrong about one thing--he said that the way history is usually taught, with an overload of facts, makes it so that once you get out of high school, you no longer wish to study it, and that is true for everyone.  That was far from true for me.  History was my best and favorite subject both in high school and college (even though I was an engineering major).  I think I just had some very good teachers and also the desire to understand how events in history led to other events and where we are today.  That was actually the main point of his class as well.  It was advertised for age 8 to 15, but a lot went over Lucas' head because it was a lot of audio as most classes are, and he learns differently.  However, he was fascinated by the photos of historical events we've discussed and how the web meeting worked.  

First class - kinetic and potential energy.

Isaac playing with the inner parts of a piano during the hands-on session.

Lucas and his assigned partner (not pictured) put this together, but they didn't say much to each other.  The group he wanted to join was already full.

Week 2:  Smoke and lasers.  The smoke ring headed straight for Lucas.  

Week 3:  Centrifugal force.

He was happy with how this turned out.  He's begun to appreciate art lately and draw (something he didn't used to enjoy doing).

Fun science activity at home that both boys can do.  

chris' visit:

Our friend Chris came in from out of town last weekend to join Manny in watching Stanford get pummeled for the second time by a Washington team.  I couldn't watch it to the end.  They also went to see The Magnificent Seven.  The kids used to hog Chris when he visited, but the men tend to go out to hang out now, and I think it works out better for them.  Dads need their bro time, too.  Chris had some work to do from here as well, and the boys were surprisingly good about not interrupting him.  I don't know if I have a photo of Chris with Isaac.  Isaac was sick, so I didn't want to pass the germs.  So this is another photo-less post.

in memory of bill:

On Saturday, I went to a memorial service to celebrate the life of a relatively new friend.  Some years ago, I'd met his wife in a small group Manny and I were in.  She'd seen a lot of suffering in her life, and dealt with mental illness in her family, so that was a sorrowful icebreaker but an instant bond of sorts.  Later, I met B. when he started coming to our church.  He was in poor health, and after he'd return from the hospital, I'd bring by some meals and chat, sometimes with the kids, and once with all of us.  At that time, he and his wife ended up praying for us and encouraging us more than we did them, I felt.  He had taken me in as a friend very quickly, as he did with certain people.  You'd think on the surface we would have nothing in common, and we really didn't.  I learned a lot through him about how love transcends all that.  B. was old enough to be my father, and he did sometimes talk to me like a dad to a daughter, and other times as a sister.  He loved to tell stories and give people food for thought.  He used to work at a high school not too far from here many years ago, and he still had friendships with many students that lasted till his passing.

There were many fun, interesting, heartwarming stories shared at the service.  Something I hadn't known before was that he used to drive one of our pastors home from the high school basketball games (his son and our pastor were on the team together) and tell him about the love of Christ.  The now pastor was a staunch atheist at the time and wasn't interested at all, but B. just kept sharing anyway.  His sister and a friend sang a beautiful duet, and his son was supposed to sing as well but fell ill.  Something that also struck me was that people were honest about B.'s struggles and that despite that, he trusted in Jesus Christ and loved others greatly.  I've been to funerals of Christians where people had wonderful things to say, and then someone would actually say afterwards that the deceased wasn't that great of a person but pretended to be.  They saw something hypocritical in it, I guess.  But B. was honest about his struggles and how that led to greater dependence on God.  We wouldn't need Jesus if we were perfect people.

Manny stayed home with the kids.  I was closest to him, and it turned out there were not younger children there, so I think it was the right call.  I don't usually take photos during the service, but it was a beautiful ceremony.  Our church took care of all the expenses, food, set-up, etc. for his widow.  They were married 40 years this year, as long as I've been alive.  He has a new, glorified body and is in the presence of God now, along with many friends whom I've lost this year.  Rest in peace, B.

parenting decisions are hard:

Serious post.  No fun intended.

One of the weaknesses I've had as long as I remember is my lack of decisiveness.  When called upon to make a decision for others, I suddenly go into jury mode and weigh all the evidence, list out pros and cons, and probably most annoying of all, I sometimes think out loud through a chronological timeline as I organize the evidence.  Even after all that, I can still end up making the wrong decision.  It's not that I'm slow to act; I can be quick to find a solution or also very impulsive.  It's more that if I'm asked for an opinion or a plan of action by someone else, I end up going back and forth in my mind like a ball in a bowl until I come to rest in the middle.  It can stem from or result in good things--being sensitive to others' desires, carefully considering what I do with my resources, knowing some things aren't black or white, and having the humility to say I do not know.  But it can also be trying for people waiting on me to make a decision.  Or sometimes people heavily advocate their stance, and I'm only giving them a half-hearted agreement or scrunching up my face trying to process it all.  lol  

One of the things I pray for most often is wisdom in my decision-making.  Sometimes decisions don't require wisdom, and I mean well when I say, "You decide."  I'm not trying to pawn off responsibility, but I'm trying to prefer the other person and get a feel for what they are thinking.  I think it took years for Manny and I to work this out when I used to have trouble deciding where or what to eat.  I only knew what I didn't want to eat, but I didn't feel strongly about it otherwise.  I just wanted to prefer him, and he didn't really see it that way.  Sometimes I'd throw some suggestions out, and he'd say no to all of them, so then I figured then he should just decide, and then he'd be upset again that I didn't make a decision.  We have had our share of misunderstandings, but that's part of learning to communicate with someone who communicates or socializes differently.  That's common to men and women, but that's for another post.

Likewise, I think sometimes I lack consistency in parenting decisions, because, to me, so much depends on circumstances, like the child's age, birth order, gender, personality, physical condition, etc.  However, people, including myself many years ago, often believe parenting decisions should be black and white.  But, oh how it isn't!  For example, my children struggle with independence vs. submission.  On the one hand we teach them they need to think and learn for themselves and not always rely on us, but on the other hand, we require obedience without question.  If they think for themselves, they won't fall under the influences of the world, right?  If we teach them to listen to and respect us, they will listen more to God when we aren't around, correct?  The motivations seem right, but the expectations can become confusing and contradictory to one or more of my children.  I've faced this myself with the family--one second, they'll seem to appreciate some aspect of my personality and then loathe it in the next.  I do try to be considerate and change things for them, and then it backfires, and then I'm thinking why can't I be loved and respected for me?  Then I think, they probably feel the same way.

While some children can discern easily between learning to be responsible for themselves and learning to respect authority, others don't process it as well and then think you're sending mixed signals.  I teach my kids to speak up, but not to talk back (and establishing that line is a work in progress for us right now).  I teach them to think through something on their own, without just taking what I say at face value.  Then the next time I tell them they have to obey even if they disagree, and they become frustrated, making things worse.  To me, the line I've drawn is clear, but to them, it's not a line but a squiggly mess, and then adding Manny to it, it becomes two lines, one squiggly and one jagged.  It has been especially difficult for N., who thinks deeply, but cannot relate all the processing and filtering I do in making decisions.  Yes, when they're younger, there is a security in knowing exact boundaries.  Yet there is also grace, compassion, understanding--we can't de-value those qualities for the sake of turning out little robots who might then become someone else's robot.  There may also be underlying issues, as I learned from having L.  And then again, sometimes you give a child an inch, and they'll take a mile.  

Manny and I have felt indignation toward the fact that we weren't allowed to get away with what they are now, and we still had drive and self-motivation.  However, we didn't really communicate with our parents, and we thought we wanted things to be different with our kids.  Maybe we had the right philosophy, or maybe we messed up.  Sometimes if the kids are out of line, I begin lashing out at them and wanting to clamp down on them like my parents did with me and my brother.  We turned out fine, right?  But then I remember we didn't.  Then I think, "Oh no, I'm screwing up my kids!"  Then I remember that God is greater than this.  

How I wish I could just press a best decision button, but not always knowing what to do is part of my own growth as well.  The "button" I do have is prayer, and I can pray to God, who is the perfect Parent, and thankfully I can put my faith and trust in Him to guide our family, even through our sins and mistakes.

bookshelves and bridges:

Last Saturday, we held our annual literacy event for the parents of a local elementary.  This is now my fourth year helping run it.  It is a team effort (including Manny and Naomi watching the boys at home).  We don't get a huge number of volunteers and cannot do shifts, so some have to be on their feet and go for three hours straight.  I'm usually there from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m., and the event runs from 10-12:30.  But even if we don't have a quantity of volunteers, we have volunteers whose hearts and hands are ready and willing to serve the community.  I felt like there was a greater sense of unity this year.  We only had one volunteer who was late and one no-show, and plenty who came out to fill their spots.  Normally I'm busy scrambling, shuffling, and filling in, due to late arrivals, early departures, and no-shows.  It could be that our pastor and his entire family (wife and four children) stepped up and served alongside us, or that my co-leader made these professional-looking signs which created more order and cohesiveness for the event.  The new custodian there also had everything ready for us, which has never happened before.  Volunteers arrived early enough to set up, which was also a difference from previous years, so we weren't rushing to get everything done.  Ultimately, it was the prayers of many that God was gracious to answer.  Even the staff at the school noticed how much more smooth and relaxed it was this year.  

Now that one of the kindergarten classes is transitional (so they don't attend the event until they're in kindergarten), we have gone from 90 families to 60, which is much more manageable.  Also, our partner organization who runs programs primarily for children took over the outdoor activities, which was a big help to us.  In previous years, we had people out there suffering from heat exhaustion and injuries, or not sure what to do with the children.  I think as I've gotten to know people at our church better, I also have a better idea of where to place people who are willing to fill in anywhere.  I don't know how much longer I will be leading this.  I guess until someone else steps up who wants to do it.

The calm before the storm.  I am usually the first to arrive at the school (as I should be).

Back home, Naomi made protein flapjacks with chocolate chips for breakfast.

Isaac was quite pleased.

Families arrive.

One of two groups of kindergarteners doing activities outside while waiting for their parents in the workshops.  The older siblings were in another area, and the younger siblings were in the nursery.

My co-leader for the past three years.  We have a lot in common, but she is also gifted/skilled in areas where I'm not.

The kids decorate these bookshelves and take home ten books to place in them.

Our lead pastor and his wife getting their hands dirty, so to speak, and helping the families.

Families selecting free books.