July 2023 part 3 (50th Anniversary Party, Lucas Birthday, John's Birthday, T and X wedding, parenting)

Ending our very full July was a trip to see my in-laws and celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was wonderful to see so many people from Manny's family. They rented the hall where we've had the family Christmas Eve party before. They had a live band and Manny's cousin who owns a taco cart business provided the delicious food. It was very hot for her to have to cook outside! Manny was tasked with giving the speech for the event, and he worked hard preparing for it. He's a pretty witty and engaging speaker, even though public speaking is not his favorite. I think it went over well. My in-laws danced and smiled together, which was beautiful, and then everyone was up there cuttin' a rug.   

Also that weekend, we had a belated 50th birthday lunch for my brother John at Fogo de Chao. His birthday was three months before, but we weren't able to make it down until July. He requested prime rib, but it was hard to find a place open at lunch near him. So this was the next best meat-forward place we could go. It was a lot of driving for Manny, several hours a day, and I am grateful for that. My in-laws also hosted a little celebration at a pizza place for Lucas's birthday. Lucas hasn't had a celebration outside our home in a long time, so I am very grateful for that.

We also went to Manny's coworker's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, and I honestly was shocked they are an immigrant Chinese couple who went with a traditional western wedding (vs. a Chinese banquet). There were many fun happenings at the event. I especially liked the sparklers to end the evening. I also saw old coworkers whom I hadn't seen in 20 years. Some still remembered me. One remembered I held up their product release for field readiness issues, costing their group a lot of money, but he acknowledged I was just doing my job. One of Manny's coworkers, who at first seemed nice enough, thought it would be a good idea to point out how Manny doesn't wear his wedding ring (he didn't for three years but does now) and how hard it must be for me as a stay-at-home mom to not see him much. I think he actually talked to her about what she said ot me the next day, which I didn't necessarily want him to (but can't blame him since I told him about it). Of course, it probably got chalked up to a misunderstanding on my part, but I don't believe I misheard. There's some ptsd I have around Manny's work, something I just have to intentionally work through regularly.

I've wondered sometimes how different things might have been had I stayed working there, but I could see it wasn't very feasible once Naomi was born. That's neither here nor there now. Plus, I did want to be around more for my children. Before we had kids, there were days when Manny and I would both get off work so late and eat dinner at 10 pm. And then as each child was born, it just didn't work out for me to return to work full-time. I still plan to return to work, but not engineering. I still maintain I've worked harder as a full-time mom than I ever did as a full-time employee. Raising kids just didn't come naturally to me, nor did I have the best role models, and parenting books and other parents had conflicting ideas. I really had to lean a lot on the grace of God. In time, I've come to understand leaning on God's wisdom and not my own understanding when it comes to parenting. The biggest challenge is when we don't agree on how to parent. I think the thing I value most is that my children feel safe to share anything with me, so I can point them to Christ, and that they see I'm not above apologizing or changing my ways, something I didn't have with my own parents growing up. Not to say Manny was wrong or that I didn't make a ton of mistakes, but I hope in the end the kids will see that despite my mistakes and sins I was devoted to the family.

The photos as I've mentioned load backwards when there are a lot, so the chronological order was actually Manny's cowoker's wedding, then going to Manny's parents', Lucas's birthday, my brother's birthday, and my in-law's anniversary party.

Dexter with his little baby Dexter, which used to be Naomi's. I think he was lonely without Chuy. 😢

The Hernandez girls

Lucas and Isaac rolling a rock around outside.

Happy Anniversary! Slow dancing.

Now faster dancing. I hope to be able to do that in my 70s.

Manny's cousin's young daughter made all the desserts including this cake. She has a lot of talent.

The storyteller and his parents

The lovely couple

Time to get down!

My kids are growing up!

Manny's the only tall one, but that's okay to me.

Dancing queen

Manny's mom, aunts, and cousin

Love their love

Tacos Los Primos serving up the best tacos!

The rare family photo where we'll all looking and smiling

My brother and me

With my mom

The meat just keeps on coming

More meat? Yes (except less for my dad, who has a restricted diet).

Happy birthday to Lucas!

Wedding table. I didn't mean to match the wedding colors!

Twilight view from the venue

Instead of throwing rice or blowing bubbles, we held up sparklers for the couple

Here comes the bride (and groom)!

Beautiful setting

Lovely table setting, before we descended upon it.

Drinks and hors d'ouevres before the reception

They took instant photos and we attached and signed it as a guestbook.

Congratulations! (I'm purposely not posting close-ups of the couple for privacy)

My in-laws' huge wedding party

1973

My mother-in-laws' parents and siblings

Cute bear towel favor from the wedding

mother's day weekend:

Mother's Day weekend was pretty nice, even with ups and downs.  I am thankful to be a mom and be a family.  On Saturday morning, Manny and I went to breakfast together at a taqueria and then went to pick out materials for the new kitchen.  It's been a while since we've gone out alone, so it was pretty exciting for me.  Almost felt too good to be true.  The food was good, although I think I should have requested some meat with my chilaquiles.  We picked out the cabinets and floors more quickly than I'd expected.  It's a good thing, because the custom cabinets longer to process and deliver.  It was hard to pick colors for the cabinets that would match our place.  I think the kids wanted to go with  dark cherry wood cabinets like their grandparents have, which are really nice.  I felt like we needed to go lighter because our place is so small and dark.  White is common nowadays and what I originally wanted, but I wasn't sure it would match well with our place or be easy to maintain.  They didn't have the exact tan-gray color I was looking for, but did have something similar.  It's cherry wood with a pumice color.

On Sunday, Naomi played piano for her youth group.  We were all together for church for the first time in a long time, and it was also our last Sunday at this church (though Naomi will continue with their youth group).  It was nice to receive a rose and some compliments on my dress, which had roses on it.  We took Naomi's friend home and then went out for a Taiwanese lunch.  The kids were not their best, and I probably shouldn't have taken it personally, but I felt sad.  They did thank their dad for the lunch and dessert.  After we got home, Manny went to work, and I told the boys I needed a break for a while.  Lucas then said sorry and went and did the dishes for me on his own.  I was so touched by that and gave him lots of praises and hugs.  Naomi and Isaac also helped me out.  My heart just melted.  Manny got home late from work and then had computer troubles while trying to transfer some photos onto the computer, so I just tried not to say a whole lot to him and make it worse.  I've learned that even when you're just trying to be helpful it's probably not worth the loss of connection with your spouse.

Mexican breakfast.

Chilaquiles and eggs.

Naomi packing up at the youth room after playing piano.

Lucas just wanted to go home.

Sorry for the bad photo, but it was a good lunch.  Thank you, Manny!

tree lighting:

I took Isaac to a tree lighting (yes, before Thanksgiving on a weeknight) at Santana Row.  We love to see Christmas lights, and Isaac enjoys a crowd.  I don't like standing-room-only crowds and being out in the cold, but I figured I could put that aside for him for a couple of hours.  It was so nice to be able to have some Mommy-and-me time with him.  I don't do that very often anymore.  He's been a little sad since we got Nacho.  The first week after Nacho arrived, he had tears in his eyes when he talked about missing me.  I was so exhausted in the evenings I barely had energy to put him to bed, so sometimes he'd have to brush his teeth and get himself to bed without even a good night from me, or I'd sort of rush through the routine and snap at him to hurry.  Now it's gotten a little better, though Nacho still has to go out sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning.  Isaac said he was so happy after we went.  My job of course isn't to make him happy, but I was glad we got to go and that he felt loved. 

They said the tree lighting was at 7 pm, but that really meant 45 minutes of performances and then the tree lighting at 7:45.  It was good we got there a little early, though.  I'm glad I allowed for traffic, because there was a lot of it.  At one point I had to get off the freeway and get back on.  The parking garage was filling up quickly when we arrived.  I'm glad we were able to get a decent view.  My arm was hurting for a couple of days after, because I had to hold him up for the better part of an hour.  The performances of the Nutcracker ballet, a Chinese acrobatic dance group, and another dance troupe were good.  We couldn't stay too late, so we unfortunately had to miss the Bethel Choir. 

Me and the happy boy.

I spy Snoopy!

Fun in the fake snow.

Fake snow, lights, and crowds.  Did I mention how happy he was?

Getting covered with snow while bumping and squeezing our way out.

Giant mistletoe.

cc weeks 4 and 5:

I'm combining these two weeks, because I can't take too many photos while I'm tutoring the class.  I'm sad I don't have photos of Lucas, but I hear he's doing well in his class.  He usually tells me afterward how stressed out he is in his classes, but he suppresses it while he's there.  Isaac, on the other hand, has to talk it all out, but he's getting a little better about that.  

Week 4 was probably the worst week I've had with Isaac having constant meltdowns the entire time we were there.  During morning assembly, I have to review the history timeline every four weeks, and Isaac just ran up there and started pulling on my shirt, at one point lifting it up (and there were two dads there).  Somehow he calmed down during presentation time, and at the end, when one of the moms held him without letting go, and had him count to 10 to calm down, and he counted to 390 or so before he finally did.  There is a mom there, very gentle, whom he really likes, but she was working in the nursery that week, and the other moms aren't as gentle.  I'm not actually that gentle with him at home, but when I'm there teaching, I'm trying to decide about making him hysterical vs. just addressing and validating his feelings.  That week, I chose to pull him out and discipline him several times, which made things harder for everyone.  The other moms had to step in and try to keep things going, or when they pulled Isaac out, he'd be punching and kicking.  The director pulled him aside, and he told her that he was punishing me for ignoring him so much that morning.  When I am busy getting things ready, I don't have time to stop and listen to him to the end, because he talks nonstop.  I have to transport a rolling carrier, giant tri-fold board, supplies, toys, games, lunches, backpacks and get there a half-hour early.  While Lucas always helps me, he can forget things, and Isaac can only carry his backpack and maybe one small item.  I also have to take these up the stairs to the classroom and set it up since we rent this facility, so it takes quite a few trips.  I had already spent some one-on-one time with him in the days prior, but I'm sure that wouldn't make up for ignoring him in his eyes.  I got ignored all the time as a kid, maybe even neglected, and it bothers me when the kids need so much attention.  But then I remember how hard it was for me that my parents almost never listened to me and my brother when we were young, so I try to keep those communication lines open.  

For week 5, I let him sleep in the car and when we first got there, and then I had him help me set up the classroom in the morning.  His favorite mom was also back.  It seemed to go a lot better, except that I took one of his stuffed animals, a duck, and strangled it in plastic rings to show what happens to animals with trash in the ocean.  He was so traumatized.  I really should have thought that through a little more.  I'm debating resorting to treats to get him to quiet down, but for now, I'm just working with him on expectations, and how I have the teacher hat on and not Mommy hat when I'm teaching.  Still, I get a lot of encouragement from the moms and the director that I've made it very organized this year.  Aside from Isaac, we haven't had any real disruptions or fighting.  There are two little girls in class who are already good friends, and I separate them.  I assign seating very strategically.  Like with most things, I can manage other kids better than my own, but I continue to work with my kids and never give up on them or myself.  I also have to remember that kids are expected to behave wherever they go, and they need a safe place to talk about their feelings.  I have been a safe place for them, and I don't want to take that away.  I don't think Manny or I or many kids from our latchkey generation had that growing up, so now many of us have become full-time parents or erring on the side of helicopter parenting or coddling.  I do not believe in babying my children, even though with Lucas, he does legitimately have special needs, and early on I thought it was defiance and punished him way too much.  I have a lot of regret about that now.  So as a parent, you just cannot swing to either extreme, but be temperate as with most things.  

Some of the parents asked me about the toys and games I'm bringing to class, like am I spending that much on it?  I've said, "No, it's from their Grandma" probably dozens of times now.  :)  Grandma is really generous to our kids, and I'm very happy to put these toys and games to good use.  Isaac is happy to share them with the class, too.  

The boys did the jello animal cell model...with candy!  With Naomi, I made her use dried pinto beans, because she wasn't allowed candy at home.

They brought it to their class to present on it for Week 4.  This is about the only time Isaac was this calm that day.

Week 5, drawing the Taj Mahal as a study on perspective, since it often pictured with sort of a vanishing point in the center.  I also taught them how to transform 2D shapes to 3D with lines (shading and forms I'd probably do in the future).

I usually give the kids a little license with art time, like Isaac wanted to make paned windows and steps instead of the holes and waterway.

The kids all wanted a turn cleaning the table.  Love it!

We're past the first month, so I'm starting to break out more of our games for review time.  The kids loved Pop the Pig!