death, destruction, and hope:

I do quite a bit of thinking in the shower. Today I thought about the water itself. I have this warm, clean water raining on me, and out in the south, they have no clean water and no power. Water has instead caused all kinds of devastation. In my pursuit to be more worry-free, I should take caution not to become too carefree.

I remember how terrifying it was just to be stuck in a tropical storm when we lived in Texas. Our home was flooded up to my waist. The water reached the outlets, shorting them and leaving this awful odor. So we left after only a year there.

This massive tragedy makes many of us think of our own mortality and the brevity of life. It's a human response, and not wrong, especially if it points us to God. On the other hand, He's not offering an insurance policy, but a new life. I remember after Sept 11, our church welcomed many new faces, only to see them disappear again. In the face of despair, death, or destruction, many will look to God for peace and answers, and I'm sure He desires that, but He's not a "bad-weather" Friend, so to speak. He still promises us continued suffering in this world, but also peace and joy through it all. We who are His through Christ can trust Him with our lives. And our death. It will come to us, one way or another. My heart and prayers go out to the victims/survivors.

photo time:

a lot of photos -- i combined photos from the end of july through august so we can start grouping by months again. you don't have to sign in, but it would be nice.

Naomi - July-August 2005

p.s.: if you go to "naomi's site" on the right navigation bar under "other," you'll find the past albums as well.

family matters, pt 3:

Naomi finally meets Grandpa and Uncle John!


Us with the other American female cousins - Frances, Penny, and Stefanie.


Some of the cousins at Grandpa's 90th birthday dinner at Maggiano's.


Naomi (aka "Miami") having fun before the family leaves.

And so I finally got to meet a few more of my cousins that are here in the U.S. They (Penny, Peter, Daniel, Philip, Frances, Stefanie, and Gil) are like brothers and sisters to each other. My brother and I, on the other hand, have missed out on that history with them. But we're still kind to each other, esp. Uncle Lawrence's kids, whom I know the best. After all, we are just innocent bystanders of what went down. Our family was invited this time, but perhaps not entirely welcome. I concluded, though, that being the black sheep's daughter wasn't so bad. Especially learning to see things from different points of view and being thankful for how far I've come. I survived a few rounds of "you look fat and tired," and by the end of it, didn't care anymore.

I think my mom thought a way to break the ice was just to lay out my brother's sufferings on the table over dinner. I sensed some desperation on the audience's part for some distraction from it. I felt most sorry for my brother having to listen to and be reminded of it. I know I used to do that a lot -- just tell anyone that would listen the intricate details of our daily lives, almost mechanically...it was a way to deal with the pain. However, I've learned over the years that there's a time and place for it, and most won't understand anyway.

I thought it was cute and funny how my father kept calling Naomi Miami. :) I thought it would be tough to see my dad again, but our interaction was warm, albeit limited, and it really was good to see Naomi smile at him. After the evening of love lost between him and his siblings, I'm sure that was a welcome change.

seven survey:

As seen on marezone:

Seven things that scare you:
bugs, moldy food, walking alone in the dark, heights, reckless drivers, surgery i am awake for, price of gas (not really, but i couldn't think of anything else).

Seven things you like the most:
spending time with family and friends, black and white animals (real or cartoon), cool gadgets, dance, scrapbooking, food, having hope in Christ.

Seven important things in your bedroom:
bed, bible, vitamin c drops, bottled water, phone, journal, clock.

Seven random facts about you:
-moved 1-2 times a year as a child
-witnessed/survived a number of crimes
-terrible sense of direction, unless you use restaurants as landmarks (e.g., right turn at popeye's)
-see my personality as somewhat like janeane garofalo's
-arm-wrestled a water polo player in high school and won
-i'm supposedly 1/16 french on my father's side
-my favorite part of my body is...my feet

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
live out God's plan for me. and i would like to: take a tour of asia, have grandchildren, start some kind of home business, write a children's book, run/walk a marathon, learn to play piano, ride an atv.

Seven things you can do:
write with either hand, eat buttered toast with all my meals, come up with my own ideas, talk for hours with anyone, type 85 wpm, read korean, wear clothes purchased from a thrift store.

Seven things you can’t do:
(only 7?) eat insects or house pets, succeed on a low-carb diet, go a week without a headache, be a romantic, express myself clearly (in terms of word choice and my stuttering), backflip, leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
genuine smile, sense of humor, humility, quiet confidence, depth, cleanliness, broad shoulders.

Seven things you say the most:
basically, tasty morsel, oh well, shabadoo (this i recently stopped), that's okay, come on, oh/aw man

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign)
orlando bloom, kaneshiro takeshi, nick cannon in drumline, keanu reeves in the matrix, james blake (tennis), can't think of any others right now. maybe li lian jie (jet li) and oscar de la hoya when i was a teenager.

4-months old

The little peanut is now an average height (over 2 ft) and catching up in weight (over 12 lbs). Last time, it seemed like only her head was growing, and now her head growth seems to be the smallest. The nurse actually recorded a smaller head, but the doctor remeasured it.

I couldn't look when she got her shots, but it killed me to hear her cry. Then in about two seconds, Naomi was smiling and razzing again. :P When the doctor tried to pull her up by the arms to a sitting position, Naomi arched and tried to stand. Weird kid. And very mobile, I guess. The doctor said we'd better start childprooofing the house.

I can't get over how much difference two months made. At her last appointment, she cried the entire time and we left there with the screaming baby in our arms. This time, we were leaving and the receptionist commented on what a happy baby she was.

Naomi still has teething symptoms, but no teeth have cut through yet. I'm so glad now that we got so many teethers for gifts. I keep them everywhere. Last night I was up every 1-2 hours again, but I love it now that it's not the colic anymore.

chinese speaking:

with my grandpa and his caregiver at my uncle's house.

my uncle told me what a waste it is that i'm going to be a stay-at-home mom. i know their children (or is it the parents) would've given their right eye to get a masters in engineering from stanford, and here i am just "throwing it away." i just said "thank you" and "mm-hmm" -- it's not worth getting into a lengthy discussion that won't change anyone's minds. i did the daughterly duty and worked hard, and now i have motherly duties. i know they mean well, but they think i'm not thinking about my children's future and happiness, but that is exactly what we're doing.

when we visited my grandpa yesterday, i wondered how i was going to teach naomi mandarin. i don't think she'd be immersed in it unless i spoke it to her all day, and even then, i know many people in that situation who still couldn't learn to speak the second language. i guess i can't worry about it too much. we'll try and see.

my grandpa's caregiver said i was fat, at least compared to my photos from five years ago. i said in mandarin (with a smile), "of course i am, i just had a baby!" come on, i'm not fat! what was worse was that she said i was fat like my mom! oh no she didn't!

random update:

haven't had much time to write, but photos are usually more fun.

got a new pc with an LG flatron monitor. nice! now i can actually view the photos! and kevin's skit dvd!

manny's sister left on wednesday and i was thankful that i finally got to spend a lot of quality time with her and build our relationship.

grandma and grandpa love showing the brag book we made them. i hope it means we're really past last week's events.

my hair is falling out and naomi's balding as well. so i became a member of the mom haircut club. naomi's teething is getting worse again -- she's constantly chewing on her lower lip and crying at night again. :(

naomi had her first playgroup on thursday. i think it was a little much for her with all the toddlers running around, but she seemed to enjoy the new toys.

and i finished the lies women believe book i mentioned before. there are two major points i disagree with (issue of wisdom vs. legalism), but overall it's a challenging reminder.

i haven't been able to watch much tv at all in the last few months. the only show i watch consistently is "so you think you can dance." all the finalists are deserving, i'm not sure whom i'm rooting for yet. maybe melody or the breaker with spiky hair.

this week's photos:

naomi, what do you think of aunt dolly?
she makes me smile!


what do you think of san francisco, naomi?
um, how do we even know that's me in the stroller?


san francisco makes me sleepy. (this is a big deal because naps and car rides are always a struggle)


you don't fit in the high chair yet, naomi.
i don't care, i want to be with the grown-ups!


what did you think of your first play group?
i loved the new gym! i like to play with miguel!

last week's photos

hi, grandma! hi, grandpa!


i like great aunt bonnie. i'm great grandma aurora's 22nd great-grandchild.


we tried to save the duckies that were crossing a busy street.


mommy going back to work. that's okay, i'll have lots of fun strolling with grandma & grandpa!


lunch with great uncle pancho, david, and christopher at acapulco. dinner at bj's brewhouse with the grandparents. i was such a good girl!


my shirt says, "if you think i'm cute, you should see my grandma!"

aunt dahlia's visit & my first trip to san francisco next time...

oh what a week:

It was a busy, fun, awkward, challenging week for everyone. Several visitors of the familial kind graced us with their presence. My continuing rite of passage into motherhood: I had my first mom haircut, my first disagreement ever with my mother in-law, and a blast from Manny's past. I also quit my job as a manager in a fortune 500 company.

The disagreement: Rather than explain only one side of the story, I'll just tell you that I sought forgiveness and reconciliation for my part in it. I felt torn between respecting my parents/elders and doing what I believed was best for my child. I think there probably was a happy medium, but I let the stress get to me. It's obviously something I haven't dealt with before, especially since I could not ask for a better mom in-law. Usually Manny is the one who will speak up, but without him there, I crossed the fine line between speaking up and mouthing off.

The past: Francesca brought over stacks of her children's books, and of all the ones for me to zero in on, I chose this book that Manny's former gf gave her. "Oh wow, you have the Spanish version of Where the Wild Things Are?" I opened it up and it said, "Happy Birthday from Maany & ___" Great. How do I explain this one to Naomi? Then I just decided to maybe cross or white it out when I get the chance.

Off the job: It was strange going to meetings having thought of little more than poo-poo and feeding all these months. I was shocked that my business vocabulary was still in tact; I just had to search a bit to find it. My coworker helped me load my box of personal effects into the car. And that was that. I unloaded on HR about some poor practices, finished my goodbye emails/calls/handshakes/hugs, and said goodbye to the corporate world and hello to life with my daughter.

Photos to follow.

another mystery call:

Mystery solved. (Hi Peg, thanks for the comment below -- I enjoyed the call, no problem!)

When I went back to work on Wednesday, I got three calls in the morning from "Peg" on my cell phone. I was talking to a coworker, but I answered it:

Me: Hello? (actually, I think I said, Hi Peg)
Peg's Phone [a child]: Huh. [breathing] Huh.
I laughed and hung up.

Then again a ring, this time I put it on loudspeaker. I thought it might be Ashlyn on the phone, but then thought it was Summer since Ashlyn might be in preschool.

Me: Hello?
Child: Mei-Mei (little sister).
Me: Hello?
Child: Mei...Mei-Mei.
I laughed again and hung up.

I couldn't take the next call. It was very cute and my coworkers had a laugh about it. People say moms return to work because they long for adult conversation. Well, I returned to work and then craved interaction with a child, which I got. :)

filler:

this greatly-anticipated week in our lives is getting off to an exciting, but awkward, but wonderful, but frustrating, but enlightening, but challenging start. guess i'll do a summary at week's end, but for now, here's some interesting filler stuff from the reads and a photo of naomi:

from endo: on google, type in your first name and is in quotes (i.e., "amy is") and see what you get. my very common name returned the following:

Amy is today's Mediapickle babe of the New Year!
Amy is comfort food for tired, hungry professionals who feel adrift in the career world.
Amy is a true Jazz Brit.
Amy is an 8 year old Yorkie who was rescued by Elaine.
Amy is a genetically altered creation of a team of scientists.
and my favorite...Amy is pregnant again. [not true for me]

from 6togo: computer programmer vs. serial killer. i'm almost embarrassed to say i got 7 out of 10, based on the fact that i knew the serial killers from watching too many crime shows.

from ttcastt: see his august 2005 photos -- his experiment: attaching a camera to his kite overlooking hawaii. fun idea, except it wouldn't be as pretty where i live.

was sorry to hear of peter jenning's death. been watching him since i was a young'en. that's the thing -- we don't know him, but he's an integral part of our lives. less than two weeks ago, i googled him, thinking he might have passed away.

dad is obviously the better photographer. i just give it one or two tries, not taking advantage of the digitality (i know that's not a word) of the camera. manny goes till he gets a good one.

rollover / another strange call:

it was another rough night for us all, but n surprised us this morning by rolling over. just kind of went and did it while we were chatting away. it's like how she cried all day wednesday and then decided to give us some cute belly laughs out of the blue. And she'd been grunting for a while, now she sounds a lot more feminine.
---
I got a strange call on the cell phone the other day:
Me: Hello?
Unknown Man: Yeah, just hold on for a second, let me look at the menu.
Another Man (sounds like a drive-thru speaker): Ok, so you want the [?]-piece chicken nuggets?
[I hang up]

Then an hour later, I got another call from the same number (and the number shows up like a long international number on my phone) and the exact same conversation occurs. I guess it's a recording of some sort, but that's so odd. I think I mentioned our last twilight zone call, in which it sounded like us calling ourselves (and I promise you it wasn't us), was about Popeye's. Must be something with us and fast food.

teething:

just when i thought things were becoming a little more predictable, it seems like naomi might be teething. she woke up every hour last night crying and also was restless the night before. today is more of the same. i'm pretty tired, but i've decided that if the circumstances don't change, i must change my attitude. and it makes for a happier first-time mom. :) you can tell when she's in pain because she'll pout cry (i know - i accidentally cut her skin once while cutting her nails). she's chewing on everything she can, has a runny nose, lots of drool, a little diarrhea, wailing, classic symptoms. i'm so tempted to just drug her with tylenol to get some rest, but she's still so small, i heard it can numb her too much. so i'm using these hylands teething tablets - they seem to work temporarily. and she likes her cold teethers. this morning at 5:30 am, i finally got her to sleep for two hours by rubbing her gums thoroughly. i keep thinking of all the trouble my mom must have gone through raising us -- whew! any advice on teething is welcome!

quik-e-post / letter to naomi:

photos from saturday and sunday. larissa was in town for a wedding and a concert.

updates:
submitted my two-week notice friday, brief and to the point (unlike my blog entries). turns out manager is on vacation, director went to israel, and HR manager is on leave.

recently read complete guide to bible versions by comfort (recommend, but this version's out of print). currently reading lies women believe...and the truth that sets them free by demoss. excellent for the most part, describes me to a tee.

my in-laws will be visiting next week, so i'll be online less. i'll post the kodakgallery photos at the end of august.

added 4 more reads: endospace, marezone, toisan (thru 6togo) and my friend lik-see's site.

naomi is now 11.something lbs and i'm 9.something lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight.

naomi was an angel most of this weekend. she's been grabbing her feet and toys, sitting for a few seconds unsupported, grunting a lot, creeping, and bouncing when standing on our laps.

is it hernandezes, hernandez', or what? i just write "hernandez family."

********
Dear Naomi,

It's been a while since I've written. But we have plenty of photos and videos to show you someday. We hope you'll enjoy seeing how quickly and dramatically you changed in these early months. By then, you might have a nickname like Mimi or something else, rather than Mommy calling you various foods and "tasty morsel" all day. I thank God daily for teaching and humbling me through you - a tiny, but vastly precious soul.

Love,
Mom