emesis:

That's the technical term for vomiting. Too bad we have to have technical terms (why?)--more for me to study. :P

Naomi threw up six times yesterday, starting at 4:45 a.m. When she and I went out to get her some Emetrol, and also to Community Group, she held it down till we got home. :( Today she asked to stay at home (highly unusual) and is eating very little. She hasn't thrown up but says she feels sick and slightly gags sometimes. Poor thing. Please keep her in your prayers.

facebook - asian appeal?:

My MySpace friends are largely non-Asian (most of the Asians are also not very active, probably invited to join like myself). On Facebook, however, 25 out of the 30 friends I have on there are Asian! And they're much more active. I know, I know--I can't stereotype or generalize based on personal experience, but... Facebook is more appealing to me as well, although I can't put my finger on why. I was on a lot of these network sites long before they were popular (mostly to work with Larissa on her stuff), and the lists of friends are so different from one service to another. I guess there's something out there for everyone.

and then there are the good days:

I couldn't get Naomi to nap yesterday till 6 p.m., so she was up pretty late. Nevertheless, she did very well at her playdate today at Adam's house (even when he grabbed her by the hair accidentally) and at her gym class. Without any coercion from me, she obeyed, said please and thank you, asked before using any equipment, waited patiently for everyone else to get their stamps or toys, and gave the teacher a big goodbye hug. She was also so into the "slippery fish" song. The other moms said they loved her trademark fake laugh. I wish I had a video of it. Maybe next time.

There was one point where she got in another girl's way on the bars. I saw that look in her eyes and her fists clenching, so I quickly scooped her up, despite the other moms telling me to just let them sort it out. The mother of the other child told me it was okay, and if Naomi had hit her daughter, she would've understood, and that they'll never learn except by experience. I totally agree, but in light of "recent events," I've seen enough brutality that I feel I really need to do everything in my power to prevent it. Naomi was even glad. She told me at lunch that she did fight with Evelyn but did not hit her. I told her how much I liked that, how we can love others, and that when she is upset, she needs to use words and not hands. She has to have self-control and not selfishness. Telling that to a 2-year-old is almost a formality sometimes, but it is important to talk to her about it (and live it out myself). And sometimes she really gets it.

recent events:

These days I seriously cannot remember much of what we do without photos (and my Excel spreadsheets). Sad but true. And sometimes I forget the camera as well, so that's a loss.

So before I forget, I'm recording here that I had a blast at a baby shower for another A.H. Friday night. It was a dessert night theme--definitely a favorite of mine! I seem to be having a winning streak with shower games. They brought that up at the shower, actually (I forgot, of course, even though I use or see some of those prizes on a regular basis). This time, it was a fun quiz about the mom, and I guessed on every question. Must've been good guesses. lol I got to carpool up with a friend and we got to talk girly stuff. ;) It took an hour to get home because they closed down several lanes of the freeway, but Naomi fell asleep on the drive, and it gave Manny more time to work on the kitchen. He repainted the dark grout in our kitchen a lighter color. For $9, it really looks great. I love it.

And last Monday, Naomi and I went to a park with a lake (love those) with her friend Tyler and his bro and mommy. I do have photos from that playdate. I enjoy the time out, but I often feel like I live so far away from my friends. Thankfully, Naomi has become so very patient in the car.


Naomi at the lake with Tyler.

Last Tuesday, Naomi also went over Adam's house. Adam is a friend she made in gym class. They had a great play structure and a lots of toys to share. It's neat to think of all the people I've met through Naomi. I think if she weren't so social, I would've missed out.


Playing with Adam; she loves to go for the rings.

There have been many moms, nannies, and grandmothers I've met at parks and other mommy hangouts. I've heard about divorces, multiple miscarriages, abuse of power, lots of things. I often want to see them again so I could share some thoughts, but often all I do is listen until Naomi starts getting into trouble. I think I appear unapproachable, but because Naomi befriends their children (which means I end up watching all the kids because Naomi requires a little extra supervision), I guess after some time, they not only think I'm okay to talk to, but to open up to about some deep hardships. It's really heavy for me, and I pray for them and hope I'll see them again so our time together isn't so fleeting.


A girl we met named Emily, who fought with another girl over playing with Naomi. Naomi got up and left during their altercation, declaring, "This makes me sad!"

And by extra supervision, I mean I'm working on Naomi's boundaries... I think I mentioned how she scratched her bff Josiah bloody a while back. Last week, she and her friend Dorothy were battling over various things, which we consistently addressed, but it culminated in Naomi pulling her up by the hair and chomping down on her head! Then Sunday, Naomi bit her hard on the elbow after she sat in the time-out chair Naomi often sits in. THEN, with Dorothy's mom and I just six inches away and talking to them while they were arguing about who had an Uncle John (they both do), Naomi took Dorothy's face and twisted it in her hands like a Picasso. I was so mortified for so many reasons. I wanted to cry so badly. Nothing breaks my heart like seeing her be like this (yet probably nothing like our Father's grief for our sin). I know all toddlers lack self-control at times, but this level of aggression--I can barely get my mind and heart around it! I was the one that was bullied by kids as a child; I feel sometimes like I'm not the right mom for her...but I am her mom, and despite setbacks, we'll do the best we can to teach her. But, wow, I can only imagine what the parents of the attacked children think and feel. We do want to make sure Naomi understands this is a moment of selfishness, and that she's not mean in general (a little girl already calls her that), and when it's over, we can move on. *sigh*

Edited to add: Oh, I got a B on my first surgery exam. Not terrific, not terrible in terms of the grade, but the mistakes I made were pretty bad. For example, I misheard a number and sort of made up a name of a surgical instrument--that could cost me my job in the real world. I was pretty frustrated. The instructors don't think I'm taking it seriously enough, but it's really hard to work on it or study while tending to Naomi or trying to cram my work into the few days Naomi can take Naomi out (which is saving me from probation right now). I'm not using it as an excuse, but it really just makes me tired of juggling sometimes, but I'll press on, I'll make it through, and I'll know better next time to not rush so much.

coveting (for a moment):

Every so often, we drop by open houses in our area just to collect ideas and see the value of homes in our neighborhood. And today, well, I actually fell in love with the house. And the price tag was almost within range. But then I remembered that when we bought our townhome--which people have called "cute," "cozy," or remarked, "oh, I thought you were renting"--we made that decision based on what was important to us. We could afford for me to be at home with Naomi, at least for a while, and we could put savings toward a college fund, family emergencies, even vacations in the future. And it is actually big enough to have people stay with us (2.5 bathrooms!).

Even if I could still be a stay-at-home mom with this house (and an almost perfect house for me at that), we would probably then be too focused on our (even tighter) budget and the mortgage in our marriage. I like being able to pay for some daily luxuries like organic foods and Pull-Ups and a class for Naomi without burden. All those gains, especially being able to be at home with Naomi in this area where we've been placed, are very much worth whatever we have sacrificed in housing. We're not sacrificing everything like transplanted missionaries, but we are looking at those key questions of wisdom, stewardship, shepherding, and the church home.

Oh, I know we could move out of the area, but with Manny's job and the church and other ways we've been led, I think right now we're right where we should be. But for a moment there, I pictured having larger groups over, Naomi playing in that huge structure in an actual backyard, Manny barbecuing on the (again, huge) deck, that family room, and everything else...and it looked pretty good! But perhaps that only would have been on the surface. We're home now, and I'm thinking about where I am, and it truly is a wonderful life. :)

gift advice:

I'm supposed to get someone a simple Thanksgiving present (it was part of a bridal shower activity). I think I'm going to go with a book of some sort because I am not 100% sure what the newlyweds' tastes are. Do any of you have recommendations for excellent Thanksgiving dinner cookbooks or Christian Thanksgiving books? I was looking at this one because I've heard the author before, but I haven't read the book. I know it's early, but I really want to give time for research, shipment, etc. Any suggestions?

vote again for larissa:

She's in the top 10! Please vote for her if you can!

Dear Friends and Fans,
A big thank you!! You helped me make the Top 10 of Star 98.7's $10,000 contest!!!!
Please vote for Round 2. I couldn't have gotten this far without you. If you didn't get to vote the 1st time, here's another chance. It takes about 10 seconds. Vote for "Pendulum" - Larissa Lam at http://www.star987.com/pages/vote.html?feed=204416&article=2403680
Voting for this round ends 5pm (PT) on 9/26. Don't forget to check your email to verify your vote and keep telling your friends. This is so exciting!

Also, don't forget ...Sat. Sept. 22, 2007 - 1:30pm (my set time)
Light at the Lighthouse Festival - I'll be performing "Pendulum" and more.
Free family festival 10am-6pm at Point Fermin Park - San Pedro, CA
www.lightatthelighthouse.org for map and details.

flipfold:

The Flipfold.

It sounds like a gimmick--why pay $16 (on Amazon) for a plastic board to fold your clothes? But as a person who is happy when all the clothes are folded, and uniformly, and quickly, I love this thing. It saves space as well. Edit--it's not just a size template, but it does actually fold your clothes.

ready to talk about it:

Something I learned to do from a young age was to keep moving despite my circumstances. It was more than survival but less than triumph. Now as a Christian, I've learned to embrace suffering, even to rejoice in it. The pain is still strong, the comprehension still limited, but God's work is completely evident.

Everytime I saw or held a newborn after we lost the pregnancy/ies, I really had to fight back against the wave of emotion that would have resulted in a flood of tears. I was able to do so by focusing on the joy I felt for the family. Yet there was another emotion I hid: relief. There was a part of me that was actually glad I wasn't having another child yet. This was something I'd kept hidden for so long, even from myself. It took this trial, this tragedy, to open what needed to be discovered and dealt with long before--the insecurities and bitterness I had harbored, stemming from discontentment as a new mother.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first--I didn't miss my former career or feel unfulfilled as we often hear. I was probably depressed from all the hormones that had been pumped into me, but when that subsided, I was overtaken with disappointment at myself, at my new family, at life. I really felt the world expected too much from me and I just could not deliver. Yes, the yoke is easy, and the burden is light, but I focused on the pressures of meeting expectations of others and myself while daily facing more evidence that I lacked wisdom, and maybe even common sense! And oh how I dreaded that "fog" I was in, that half-coma for a year on my average of 4 hours of broken sleep...

And even though it's so much better now, and it's very unlikely I'd have a second severely colicky kid with reflux (please, no!) I had that fear when I was pregnant--could I sink back in that slump? I really did not like the new mom me or the new dad Manny--I want to forget they existed, bury them, or disintegrate them into oblivion. But all sin that is brought to light can and must be addressed. Our marriage was slammed into the rocks after Naomi was born, and even if all has been well because circumstances have improved, we did need to go back there. We needed to deal with that shadowy part of our lives, because even if we weren't ourselves, we really were.

And so this terrible loss--it was the catalyst for me to finally open up to my husband completely, to start listening to him wholeheartedly without constantly formulating defenses, and to begin the true healing process (and not just the obvious immediate one). It's sad that this is what it had to take, but God knew this to be the way. I really could not have seen it coming, but now we are thankful for all that has happened. There were times in there I didn't know how we'd ever recover, but those are the times you know you can't do it, but you have to trust in God's word and His promises to get you through. And He does this faithfully and perfectly.

mommy & me:

Last Tuesday was appropriately Health & Safety day at our monthly Mommy & Me event. They had all the usual fun activities and entertainment plus a firetruck and friendly policeman. Naomi was very excited as always to see her friends. Me, too. :)


Naomi making a glittery art piece "to make Papi happy." :)


Some of the kids in their masks.


Naomi eats so well when her friends are around. We all bring healthful, nutritious foods for the kids, and it makes for positive peer influences.

a favor to ask:

Help our friend Larissa win a song contest! (The song is really that good) Please pass this on to your family and friends!

Vote now for "Pendulum"!!! on Star987.com
Larissa's song "Pendulum" is entered in the Star 98.7 Star Lounge contest. The winner's song will be on their Star Lounge CD which have included artists like John Mayer and Sarah McLachlan. You don't have to live in LA to vote!
Help Larissa make the Top 10 finalists. 1st round of voting ends 9/19.
Just go to http://www.star987.com/pages/vote.html?feed=204416&article=2403680
Look for "Pendulum" - Larissa Lam and vote now!!!

the wedding banquet:

We went to our friends' wedding banquet at Mission 261 while the grandparents watched Naomi. I won't mention their names till I get permission. The bride's father gave an awesome speech basically listing out her entire, and immensely impressive, academic resume. Only in a Chinese wedding. :) And after hearing the groom's father's toast, I now know where he gets his sense of humor. The emcee was pretty good, the lion dancers were of course a real treat, and slideshows are almost always my favorite part of the reception (ok, maybe a close second to the food).

Some other interesting stuff: They met through craigslist when she was looking for a couch. They got married in Vegas and the brother-in-law was dressed as Elvis. I've known the groom for 14 years. When I got in an accident in grad school, the groom was the one that came to pick me up.

We got back at about 10:30 to a very happy little camper who said she missed us. :)


With the newlyweds.


The groom told us they got the lion dance idea from our wedding reception (which we actually got from Manny's parents as a gift!).


Tip: If you give a dramatic kiss like this, people won't tap and bang those chopsticks for a while...

somber anniversary:

Americans see 9/11 as most important event of their lives. If it hadn't happened, I wonder what it would be instead.

back from our trip:

Naomi sang the alphabet song for Great-Aunt Quinka and got a Sleeping Beauty Dress-Up surprise! Her rendition went, "A, B, C, D, E...W, I, O, X, Z!" lol


Grandpa and Naomi resting after a busy morning.


A visit to Home Depot. Grandma always does her hair so well.


And just because Naomi loves this photo of Jazmin so much.

We were preparing ourselves for quite a weekend. Manny couldn't get Monday off, and Naomi has always had a hard time in the car. Manny drove down on only two hours of sleep (I had double that). It is usually a 6-hour trip without stopping or holiday traffic. We put Naomi in the car around 4:45 a.m., when she awakened with a smile, said "Mimi go to Grandma's house," gave us a thumbs up, and we were on our way. She oohed and aahed at the nocturnal surroundings before returning to sleep. I prayed a lot. We definitely felt some of your prayers as well.

Naomi did amazingly well, never crying or complaining once, even though she did get carsick and threw up again. :( We no longer feed her on the drive down either because of that (she threw up the bit of water she had). It helps that she can now say, "Hurry, Mami! Paper towel!" to warn us. I feel so bad for her. She most likely inherited it from me.

Naomi had a great time with the grandparents. They were very well prepared for babysitting Saturday night, and they never had to resort to bribes of a sugary nature. :) She played ball, watched the cat chase crickets, and got to eat in front of the TV. She was agreeable and helpful most of the time despite being so thrown off of her routine. The terrible twos were nowhere to be found this trip. :)

Sometimes I've heard people say it's very arrogant of believers to think the God of the universe cares about our petty lives, but it's really a humbling thought. He orchestrates things, sometimes in ways we don't want, sometimes in ways beyond what we could have asked for, all for His glory, because He actually does care about every hair on our head. Even if this weekend were disastrous, we still would be thankful that He is in control of it all.

summer fun:

[Not from our trip] Where we live, there are only a couple weeks a year that we wish our townhome had A/C (which is probably why we don't have it). But when it does get that hot, we get to go to the water play area at a local park. Serious fun and free to boot. These are from Labor Day weekend.


Manny and Naomi.


"Agua!"


Another satisfied customer.

misc update + naomi quotes:

Yesterday we brought some Chinese takeout over to I. and A.'s house for dinner. It was really encouraging to talk to others about what God has been teaching us in and through marriage and parenthood. They have a baby and a toddler (Naomi's partner in crime, Josiah), and it is amazing how well they handle the chaos.

Today Naomi had her gym class, and now we've been invited to a playdate. I tell you, Naomi makes the friends and I just tag along. Haha. Tomorrow we have a playdate (with Josiah, of course!). Thursday with Dorothy again. I'm trying to finish my medical transcription exam before we leave on Friday (Surgery is tough!). We're heading out for J.'s wedding. I'm trying to use initials more consistently for people whom I haven't asked permission to mention here. :)

[gives me a kiss]
Me: Oh, that's so nice! What was that for?
N: Nothing. No reason.

N: 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Me: Oh, good counting. What happened to 3, 4, and 5?
N: Mmm...they're missing!

N: Mimi dress up Mami.
Me: You're going to dress me up? Why?
N: Because Mami dance at the ball.

Manny: Hey, Princess.
[running to me] N: Mami, Mami! Papi called Mimi princess!

Favorite activities: running, pretending to be a cat, fingerpainting, wrapping piles of small toys together as a birthday gift.

photo time:

August photos.