sleepover / winterfest the sequel / women's luncheon:

New photos added:

Naomi went to dinner and a sleepover with other girls from church last Friday.  They started with dinner at the house of one of the girls' leaders and then went to church and slept there.  They had us pick up our girls by 8:30 a.m. Saturday, which was pretty early.  One of the girls told me they barely slept.  Sleepovers perhaps should be called sleep-unders.

We wanted to go to WinterFest again, and Saturday night was the only time we could.  This time we let Naomi bring a friend.  One of her friends, who was also at the sleepover, was fast asleep when we asked.  Their family had dinner plans, so we went with her other friend L., who had never been to Great America.  It worked out well.  Naomi was so excited to go with a friend, but I'm sure she was beat.  We went to an early dinner first and then to the event.  Manny seemed pretty happy with four kids in tow.  It did seem more balanced with two girls and two boys, but it did not give me any desire to have any more children.  😋

We saw some things we'd missed the first time like the gingerbread house area and the snow (made of soap).  Lucas braved the Star Tower for the first time.  The day before, we talked about the Bible verse that says, "Be strong and courageous...for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9).  We are talking about the name Emmanuel, which means "God with us," which is also the origin of his father's name and his own middle name.  I asked him to think of a time when he had to do something even though he was really scared.  Courage doesn't mean that we are not scared; it means we go forth anyway.  He thought of the time he went on Expedition Everest, a roller coaster at Walt Disney World.  I mentioned before that the ride traumatized him for years.  It was partly why he wouldn't get on the Star Tower.  So he surprised me when he said he'd get on.  We finally got to all go as a family plus one.  Instead of telling him it wasn't scary or quit being such a wuss, I told him that he would in fact be afraid, but he could count on us being with him and that God is with him.  The truth is that I'm actually very scared of heights myself and get nervous on the ride, but I'm willing to put that aside to be with the family.  And, of course, after we got off, Lucas asked to go on again.  Too bad it was getting late, but he left feeling some joy and excitement.

The next day I got up early to cook some butternut squash soup for our church's luncheon.  We had a wonderful time of worship at church.  At one point, we were led to hold hands in a giant circle and sing "O Holy Night."  The worship pastor mentioned that we have to be careful not to put family above Jesus as the meaning of Christmas.  I'm sure I've done that.  But it's also important to remember Christmas is just a day, and hopefully every day of the year, we can talk about Jesus being born, which really means God coming to earth to do what man could not do.

The sermon was also about how Jesus wasn't just a baby who was going to grow up and die.  When it says Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, it doesn't mean his life on earth--it means He is forever.  He himself is regarded as Creator and Sustainer in the Bible.  He and God are one.  He was with God in the beginning, and He is God (John 1).

After church, Manny took the kids (thank you so much, Manny!) while I went to the women's soup and salad luncheon.  The theme was "I Need a Silent Night," which was apropos for what many women may be going through right now if you read the lyrics.  I was originally going to make a shrimp pesto pasta salad, but someone said we were short on soups, so I brought my Instant Pot.  Well, we certainly had no shortage of soups, or food for that matter.  Just about everyone brought something.  It was a great time, great turnout, great food.  I took home an ornament with our church's name on it.

Girls doing a silly pose.

Having our Taiwanese supper with Naomi's friend L.

Girls about to take off on the swing.

White Christmas.  Naomi in her wolf cap.

Let it snow!  Let it soap!

Isaac had the best time.  Sad when it ended.  The boys and I had pain and itching in our hands afterward from the soap.

Us in the snow.  Sorry I looked so tired.

Lucas a little scared as we ascend on the Star Tower.

View of the skating rink and carousel from the Star Tower.

Women's luncheon.  Every table had different nativity scenes.

Soup's on in Crockpot City, except for that beautiful pumpkin in the front and my lone Instant Pot in the back.

Dessert table.  The tree in the center was made of a stack of star cookies.

A nativity snow globe and stone carving at our table.

making the bed:

I didn't always make my bed growing up, maybe because I spent most of my first 13 years without one.  Then in college, I did it more consistently in consideration of my roommates.  When we got married, I made the bed regularly.  But then we had kids, and I had a very hard time with it, mainly due to inconsistent everything.  Why make a bed I'm not sleeping in regularly?  Now I feel the need to do it every day.  There are scientific studies that show that making the bed each day actually can make you physically sicker, due to dust mites.  However, I think that the psychological benefits outweigh the physical health impact.

I had it on my to-do list, which helped, but I wanted to do better than checking it off.  So, I decided it needed to become a habit.  I would say it took two months.  As a matter of fact, some studies say it takes on average 66 days to form a habit.  If you do that one thing in one room, other things will hopefully follow.  Sometimes all you need to do is have a starting point in each room.  Start with the kitchen sink.  Clear off the dining table first.  Start with one corner of the living room and clean top to bottom.  Start with scrubbing the toilet in the bathroom.  And in the bedroom, make the bed.  Clean will beget clean.  Perhaps you're in a season like me where you cannot get to it all.  But start somewhere and do it in chunks or sometimes tiny bits, if you have to.

Sometimes nonconformist people thrive in a little chaos.  I think Naomi is starting to take after me in that respect.  But there is a way to be clean even if a little cluttered, just like you can keep your clothes and hair clean even if you dress and do your hair in eclectic ways.

Making the bed was not a simple task.  I can be an over-analyzer, so I went through a gamut of emotions.  Part of me just really did not want to make the bed out of fear, spite, guilt, or shame, and I felt like others were pushing me to that.  Another part of me felt I did not have the energy or time, especially when I was in so much pain from surgery complications and then the broken foot.  Plus, the kids had sleep and health issues, and sometimes we had lingering marital conflicts.  I just wanted to make the bed and not have all this baggage with it.  Maybe there was an avoidance issue.  Then, around the time when I got to the point of feeling really determined about keeping things clean, I had Isaac, and my hands were once again full.  I felt overwhelmed and returned to the frustration of feeling judged by my husband (even if he didn't say anything) and therefore judging myself for this one chore.

And now, at last, my hands are not as tied up in the care of a baby, and I am doing it.  Not to prove anything, but to please God and build better habits from there.  It may not always be made perfectly, but it's getting done every morning.  Read the Bible, brush my teeth, make the bed, check my email, make breakfast.  Easy morning routine for a busy mom.

moms night out:

Life has been very full, but not with a lot of me-time or me-and-Manny time or me-and-friends time.  Last night, I got to have at least me-and-friends time with J and A.  We went to a semi-upscale Indian restaurant, and split samosas, butter chicken, chicken pista korma, and saffron rice.  It was all really delicious, even though we had two chicken dishes and missed the vegetables a bit.  Vegetable korma is one of my favorite dishes, and I didn't see it on the menu, but I think the chicken pista korma was pretty close.  I'm not entirely familiar with the cuisine, but I have or have had a number of Indian friends and colleagues who've taught me a lot about it.  I'm going to attempt butter chicken, lessening the spice, and I hope the family likes it.

J, and A, and I have a lot in common, including our oldest and youngest children being close in age, homeschooling, and being Christians.  Of course, we also have some different ideas and opinions, and it's always fun and interesting to catch up and discuss what we're learning or how we might be struggling sometimes.  I'm thankful for them.  I've learned over the years that I can't be close to every fellow mom.  It's good to have people you can talk to who really know you.

When I got home, I knew I wreaked of Indian spices.  I was asked to shower promptly, which I did.  😆 Today, I was the sub for the preschool class, and I could still smell the aroma on my phone, which I used for music lyrics.  I'm pretty forgetful these days.  Did I say that already?  I forget.

Dinner was so good.  So many good foods have strong aromas that make their way into your clothes.

Excellent food and food for thought.

coming out of the dark:

This is going to be a pretty personal post, but you can skip down to the photos if you don't want to read about depression.

Winter is setting in.  This is the time of year I often reflect on the past year, a time to count my blessings and grieve over friends and family who've passed away.  The weather has been cold and gloomy, but despite that, I'm actually feeling great warmth and joy for the first time in a long time.  I'm seeing and appreciating the beauty around me again.  I have been getting out of my own little world, reconnecting with friends, and doing a lot of soul searching.  I've been contemplating Christ's humility and forgiveness, what it means to have a heart of gratitude, and where I find my hope and joy.  The phrase that I keep coming back to is "living intentionally."  I want to truly live intentionally for Him, not in the future, not in the new year, but today, right now.

What drove a lot of this was a bout of depression I had this past year.  It wasn't one event that caused it.  Likewise, I can't pinpoint one event that snapped me out of it.  It just felt like I was sinking and sinking and could not figure out how to make it stop.  Perhaps it was exhaustion?  I've been sleeping better than I have in ages, though, but our daily routine is pretty tiring.  I finally went to see a doctor, who did not find anything except anemia.  I found a ferrous chelate supplement, a form of iron that actually doesn't upset my stomach constantly.  I tried going back to a more healthful diet and exercise more.  But I am still constantly yawning, which really annoys Manny, and honestly annoys me, too.  

Perhaps it was the trauma of the year, starting with the aftermath of the car accident, Manny injuring his back, the deaths of once-dear friends with whom I'd lost touch (and felt guilty about), marital issues, my brother going through a bad time, the stress of having three kids in very different places, trying to balance serving my family and ministry, just to name a few.  These could certainly be the culprits, but I've been through harder times and pressed on.  But this year it felt increasingly amplified, and I was going deaf.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to learn how to climb.  Life wasn't necessarily harder this year than any other year, but what was harder was how my sadness was impacting those around me.  I would get angry at everyone and feel like I wasn't myself, or angry at myself and feel like I didn't know myself anymore.  It wasn't just moodiness.  I stopped enjoing things I used to enjoy.  One second I'd be smiling, and the next I would just burst into tears without any trigger.  At some points, I fantasized about being dead, although I wasn't seriously contemplating suicide.  I began to feel like fear was choking out my joy. 

There is a stigma with depression which keeps you from wanting to tell others.  I was close to calling the doctor again when I had a breakthrough, an answer to prayer.  The best thing to come out of this is that I prayed harder and more than I probably ever have.  There were days I was praying to God to help me out of bed, then help me brush my teeth, then help me down the stairs, and pretty much "Jesus, take the wheel" for the day, because I felt done before I even started.  But soon those prayers began to grow, and the faith behind them followed, which made the prayers grow, and so on.

One of the most important lessons I learned, even though I'd heard this so many times already, is to be more proactive than reactive.  I can't say to God that I am unable be nicer to others because of how they're acting toward me.  The truth is I'm just not listening to Him (or them).  I can't say that I don't have the ability to do the work He's given me.  I'm just not trusting in Him.  I can't even say that I'm a failure because I've failed to please people.  I only need to please Him.  What got me out of depression is the same thing that got me out of postpartum depression so many years ago--a renewed faith and reliance on Him alone.  

Another lesson I learned, which I'd learned before but not in this light:  I have an identity and a purpose, and it is unique.  My spiritual gifts and skills may not be highly regarded, visible, or even understood, but they can be used.  Every person, every action, every thought counts.  So make it count.

And one last lesson, for this post anyway, is that we need others.  I was never a good long-distance runner, even when I was fit.  I was more of a sprinter.  I have asthma, which doesn't help.  But how did I get through military training or even jogging around campus?  It was by running with others.  I know sometimes they were slowing down for me, but being with them helped me complete the race.  That's what friends did for Naomi at the Turkey Trot at her school and also when she was not feeling well but didn't have a note to be excused from P.E.--they cheered her on.  That's what we need around us, people who will cheer us on.  Learning to be that for my children has made a world of difference in our relationship and in their confidence.  

So onward and upward I go.  I hope you will join me in living intentionally and see the difference in the coming year, months, and even days.  I'm back!

Venus is the bright dot below the moon.  The night before this they were next to each other, but I didn't get a chance to take a photo.  It was mesmerizing for me and Isaac, my stargazing buddy.  

Naomi went to a new friend's birthday party last Saturday.  It lasted till the evening.  Looking at these lights, I realized--I think I've come out of the dark!

Well, you can't see at all, but there's a crowd of kids playing tag in the dark with flashlights.  When Naomi said bye, she was smothered in hugs, and it just made her night.

Naomi made a little doodle on the whiteboard.  It's nice to see her spirits lifted lately as well.

While Lucas is at violin class, sometimes Isaac and I go downstairs to get boba.  They have a tree made of lights.

winterfest:

WinterFest opened for the first time this year during Thanksgiving weekend.  Manny told me about it.  If I have somewhere I'd like to take the kids, I often go on a weekday so as not to impose.  I'd rather go with him, of course, but he doesn't have a lot of weekends off this year, and he usually has a plan in mind.  I'm sure Naomi would have wanted to go with friends, but the plans weren't set in stone, and it's easier to manage "just" three kids.  She ended up having a great time; everyone did.  Manny's aunt and uncle were up here, but unfortunately they were at a different Christmas event that evening so we missed them.  

The first thing we did was ride the two-level carousel.  Then we ate (always a good idea with little ones).  The pizza cost an arm, and later, the ice cream cost a leg.  We have passes to Great America, so the event was free for us, but you always have to account for the food.  Then we went to It's Christmas, Snoopy ice skating show.  This was Manny's gift to me.  I think the last time I got to see a Snoopy ice skating show was before kids, so I had a bit of nostalgia, at least until Isaac started getting bothered by the loudness and asking when it was going to be over.  He covered his ears and hung in there until I said it was time to go, and then he got out of there as quickly as he could.  The show had elements of the original Charlie Brown Christmas special, but it also added various holiday/winter numbers.  I was glad to see they kept the Linus Luke 2 monologue.  This is one reason for my appreciation of Peanuts.  There are many others.

I also have a soft spot for Christmas lights, and for getting the spectacular displays done in a short amount of time, bravo, Great America.  Some trees appeared unlit, so perhaps they didn't finish everything, but there wasn't a void or anything.  I wasn't expecting it to be like Christmas at Disneyland, and it still felt magical.  I think it was fun for the kids to go on rides at night, too.  Not all of them were open, and some of them had long lines, but each child got on a couple.  It's tricky where due to age and height, the three kids all ride different sets of rides.  But it makes for a good lesson in compromise and preferring one another (not that they ever really complain about it).  It got pretty chilly. and we headed home.  Some people don't have a home or a family to return to--I hope I never take that for granted.  

Lucas admiring the toy soldier as we head in.

Santa's sleigh and reindeer above the roller coaster tunnel.

So fun to ride at night and see the lights below (and some above) us.

Time for the show.

 

They did some amazing tricks for such a relatively small space.

"And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.'"

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Not sure if this snowman has a name, but he was pretty cute.

With Charlie Brown (please excuse our red eye).

We were in line for this photo and then it ended up being just me and Snoopy.

Isaac got knocked down by Charlie Brown or someone who looks like him.  Some people in the crowd moaned, "Oh, Charlie Brown!"  Thankfully no one called him a blockhead.  Isaac didn't want my help at all, so I figured I'd take a photo.

The Charlie Brown tree.

Manny and I thought we'd take a photo with just the two of us, but Lucas had other plans.

You know Lucas is having a good time when he actually asks for a photo instead of avoiding them.

Manny, Naomi, and Isaac went up the Sky Tower (renamed North Pole for the event) and said the view was incredible.  Lucas doesn't want to go up that high, so I usually sit out with him.

Pretty gazebo with an ice princess inside.  It seems like yesterday we would have been waiting in this line for Naomi.

thanksgiving:

I haven't been able to blog because some layer of my laptop screen cracked.  Surprisingly, it wasn't one of the boys that did it, but I think it was from my accidentally closing the laptop on my glasses.  Even though I think I closed it fairly gently, it still was enough force to damage it.  There are a number of things I have to do on the laptop, more important than blogging, related to bills, claims, homeschool, planning, ministries, friends' ministries, etc. so it was a long week without it.  Glad to have my trusty laptop back, but it's a reminder of just how much I rely on technology (and that I need to back up data more often).

So now our Thanksgiving is old news even though it was a week ago.  Manny was able to get all four days off during the weekend.  Even though this is the first time we didn't have guests or visit anyone during Thanksgiving, I was glad to have the quality time again as a family.  We did almost see Manny's aunt and uncle the day after Thanksgiving, but we ended up at a different Christmas event than the one we usually go to, so we only were able to connect on the phone.

On Thanksgiving morning, Manny took the older kids to see Trolls.  Those long-haired creatures have been around since we were little.  Manny would have preferred to take them to see Moana, but they could only see one, so the kids picked the extended toy marketing ad.  I stayed home with Isaac, who cannot sit through a movie yet, and it was hard work juggling cooking with tending to him.  I did my best to keep Thanksgiving simple, since I have to do almost all the cooking.  I was very exhausted and honestly in tears at some points, but when I finally finished, I was so relieved.  But by then, Naomi had had enough of my tired comments countering her chipper mood.  It took a lot of talking for her to come around, and then Lucas had a problem with Isaac, and so on and so forth.  But we were together and determined to work through it all, and work through it we did.

I made some changes this year.  I actually wrote out a cooking plan, which helped a lot.  Because Naomi and I had to share the oven last time, the first thing I did this time was cook her Japanese yams in the Instant Pot pressure cooker so they'd be ready for her to put in her sweet potato casserole or candied yams.  She came up with her own recipe, and it was really fantastic.  Even Manny thought so, and he's not a huge sweet potato fan.

Next up was making the dough for the dinner rolls and letting it rise.  I made the rolls from scratch this year (with this recipe, halved, except with still a full stick of butter), and I think I will continue to in future years.  I may break out the bread machine to knead it for me and see if it makes a difference.

We had a "smaller" 13-lb turkey, so I was able to flash-roast it (higher heat, shorter time), which helped with cooking time and kept the moisture in the meat without my having to baste.  I think for our electric oven, basting really messes with the temperature, and it ends up taking longer.  I used to buy pre-brined turkeys, but I decided not to this year, because Naomi and I think they give the gravy an odd flavor.  Remember, lots and lots of butter under the skin.  I only put a little on top of the skin since I tented the bird anyway, but I plan to put more butter on top next time and not just under the skin.  I usually roast veggies under the turkey, but skipped it this time.

Our Instant Pot made the first batch turkey broth easy--I just used the neck bone and giblets, water, celery, and carrots.  I don't do the traditional mirepoix with onions, because Manny has had trouble with digesting onions in the past.  He's better now, but I've been in the habit of omitting it.  The broth was used for the gravy and the dressing/stuffing.  The gravy turned out much better without the brine this year, but I miss my mother-in-law's gravy.  I bought this bread mix, but I think I want to go back to cornbread next time.  I cleaned out the Instant Pot and put in the peeled potatoes.  Manny helped me mash and mix the potatoes.

I went very simple with the vegetables.  Just frozen corn, peas, and green beans cooked on the stove separately.  Isaac likes corn, Manny likes peas, and Lucas likes green beans.  Naomi likes the roasted vegetables under the poultry, so maybe next time I'll go back to that for her.  I'm the only one who likes cranberry sauce, so while I like to make it, I just buy the organic jellied stuff from Whole Foods, and I think it's very good.  The one store-bought item was the pumpkin pie.  Just $5.99 from Costco for a huge, tasty one.  I wanted the pecan pie, but that was $13.99 and we weren't having a big gathering.  I think it would have cost even more to make the pecan pie myself, and pecan pies are challenging.  We stick with traditional basic Thanksgiving dinner, although when the kids are older, I may try changing up some of the sides.  And of course we had to have our sparkling cider and candles.

I don't really do much with the table setting, especially if it's just us, but I do sometimes have ideas and images in my mind of cute napkin rings and table decorations.  But for now, it's just more stuff to worry about that we'll hardly use, so we'll stick to not having it.  I did miss having guests or going to a relative's house, but I know it was for the best.

We put up the tree on Thanksgiving each year, so we did that again.  Our tree was bought cheap and now on its last legs and leaning like the Tower of Pisa, but it has been there since our first Christmas with Naomi, so we're not replacing it if we can help it.

My broken laptop screen.

Our cute little turkey.  Flash roasting wasn't bad.  Fairly moist, but I still think it can be better.

Manny carving the turkey.  I like the way he does it.

Time to eat--at 3:30 p.m., which was way to early, Naomi felt.

Her delicious candied Japanese yams.

Trying to get a family photo, but Lucas refused (he's next to Naomi).

We wrote what we were thankful for on the board, and Isaac wanted to put up this paper of things he's thankful for, including love, flowers, and animals, including pigs, which are his favorite animals.

Each (non-generic) ornament has a special story.  One of them was handmade by my best friend in 1990.  We've unfortunately also had some break over the years.

Its nice to see the kids decorate the tree completely independently now.

Naomi also has her own $3 tree from Target now.  Her shirt is from Manny's cousin and is a bitten gingerbread man with the words, "Everyone wants a piece of me."