museum day:

Today is museum day--lots of museums across the country offering free admission. Naomi's probably too sick, plus she's having tons of fun with Uncle Chris, who's here this weekend. She "made" Manny and Chris take her throughthe tunnel and down the slide at a McDonald's several times. I stayed at home for my studies. Felt very nauseous after transcribing an ER report--the victim didn't make it. :(

food post:

First off, The Pesticide Guide.

Naomi likes meatloaf (and avocados, beans, tofu, and noodles). Originally, I was making a healthy version from scratch. It was just so time-consuming. Then I stumbled upon this recipe, which is the easiest meatloaf ever, and actually tastes good. Well, Manny likes the other one more, but this is good for a busy person. I use ketchup instead of bbq sauce. You could probably use the butcher's meatloaf mix (I think it's beef, pork, and lamb) and it would turn out even better. Too bad my oven isn't the greatest; I usually have to (and sometimes forget to) add on a few degrees or 10-15 minutes to whatever I bake.

BTW, if you happen to have super-easy, onion-less, toddler-friendly recipes, please forward them to me!

And, oh yes, spinach is back!

my daughter the...bully?:

I took Naomi out to yet another person's house for a new playgroup--I'm losing count, but I think we're in 5 or 6 playgroups at the moment. Usually new places and new faces means all smiles for her, but yesterday she hit, pinched, and pulled Baby Caroline's (Caddie's) hair several times. The worst was seeing a clump of hair in each of her palms. My friend was so gracious about it. I don't know if I could have extended that much grace and patience. Ay, these amazing moms. It is hard to see Naomi like this, because she's been very gentle and giving with babies and we've practiced that with dolls. Of course I've never pinched or bitten her or pulled her hair, nor have I seen anyone do that to her, so I don't think she learned it. The sin from within. *sigh* And she's at the age where I have to address it, but she doesn't fully understand what I'm trying to teach her, and she might even like the attention her behavior receives. At this morning's playdate/dance lesson, she was gentle and sharing with Baby Deon at first, but started beating his head. At least that was the only incident today. It grieves me so much. For a second, I start feeling like it's my fault. But I know this is the beginning of independence, of sorting out her emotions, testing adult response. We both have a lot to learn...

And I'm reminded of this verse: "If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." 1 Cor 13:2

Caddie's mom: Wow, Naomi's speaking in sentences already!
Me: Yeah, but she's beating on your kids...

precious in his sight:

Naomi, 4 months old.

I look at Naomi sometimes and think about how I cannot get my mind around the love I feel for her. I feel like I am beginning to truly comprehend the meaning of "precious"--what does a diamond or a house or even a memory have on her? And then I think of how it says we are "precious in [God's] sight." And His love isn't stained with selfishness or frustration or worry like mine. Can He really look upon me and feel so much more than this? Yes. And He even sacrificed His own perfect Son, considering us precious. I cannot get my mind around that Love.

my bff (balloon friend forever):

Naomi has been holding on to this balloon for three days, with no sign of letting up. She asks for it in the morning and takes it everywhere. Her birthday isn't until April, but the kind people at Toys R Us decided to give her one because I accidentally knocked her Trader Joe's balloon off the string. She's never had a favorite doll or stuffed toy or blanket (or tube of cream like Jenni's son), but she now has a security balloon. She's been sick for the past few days, so I've even used it in the middle of the night to calm down her coughing and crying (and take it away when she's asleep).

the pathos of a 1-year-old:

Went to a ladies (and babies) pizza-making/movie night on Saturday. I didn't bring the camera, but a friend captured Naomi literally hunting Josiah down for a hug. He tried to get a paper cup a couple times, but Naomi just yanked it out of his hand and threw it on the ground. "Get over here!" She put her arms up and grabbed him for a hug. Then she wrestled him down to the ground--on top of her. This happened several times before she (inevitably) hit her head on the floor. :( So aggressive--what will we do with her?

And while I was feeding Naomi dinner, she heard Baby Lukas's crying in the monitor. Suddenly her lips turned inward and stretched into a long frown, trembling. She blinked heavily, fighting back the tears. We all told her it was okay; babies cry. Eventually she began to sob. Naomi has this very quiet sympathy cry that breaks my heart. I had to fight the tears myself. I seriously cannot handle seeing or hearing people cry, so I guess she might have gotten that from me.

i did not know that:

My brain is fried from my medical transcription homework, but I've been learning a few things. "Man-boobs" and beer bellies are real conditions that can result from overconsumption of alcohol. Now it won't be as funny anymore. And "flatulence," contrary to what I've seen on TV, is not the act of passing gas. It's actually "flatus." Flatulence is being full of gas and therefore needing to pass it.

Okay, I'm being a little facetious here. On a serious note, I now have some idea what the pediatrician checks for during Naomi's visits. I have a better understanding of common diseases. And I finally know what b.i.d. and q.x hours and p.o. and a.c. mean on those prescriptions (it's Latin for the method and frequency the patient is to take the meds). So even if this thing does not work out, I think I'm gaining some very useful, practical knowledge. Another lesson: Don't always trust info you find online (even here!). But I think you knew that already.

dancing again:

I've been needing to work out. I look skinny (thanks to longer shirts being in style), but I want to be more fit. Being out of shape is hard with an active and growing toddler. I'd also like to be healthier for the next pregnancy. I'm pretty undisciplined with the traditional gym workout, and Naomi makes at-home workouts a tricky endeavor. So I've found a solution--I'm now taking weekly lessons with a friend who's also a dance instructor. Our kids play together (very well, I might add) while I work on popping basics and practices. I'm in a lot of pain after this morning's session, but now Naomi seems light as a feather. :)

Popping is so much more difficult than it looks! It's mostly about muscle contractions and movements, so I think it's perfect for what I'm trying to accomplish. I did hip-hop (urban dance) for many years, but this is an even greater challenge. It gets a lot of ridicule from those that don't get it and a lot of props from those that do. I'm still going to be a closet funk stylist, but hopefully I'll be a better one.

Anyway, so just in the past couple months, I feel like I'm able to add more to my plate now--joining a church community group, studying medical transcription, new playgroups, and now the lessons. It's a pretty great blessing to do all that and be a stay-at-home mom. (I didn't say "super" stay-at-home mom, like many of you are, but with God's grace, Naomi's still alive and kicking!)

balance of grace and truth:

Edit: The post has been resaved as a draft. After discussing it with Manny, it's probably best not to discuss the matter before everything has come to light. Sorry so cryptic.

Anyway, we won't be eating bagged spinach for a while, if ever again. What a bummer.

naomi, 17 months old:

weight: 20 lbs (4th %ile)
height: 31 1/4" (50th %ile)
teeth: 14 out of 20
favorite new words: "where is it?", "there it is!", "stuck!"
favorite activities: baths, having me help her change her dolls' diapers, climbing, throwing tantrums when i won't let her do something herself, trying to dress herself, feeding people/animals/dolls, drawing (scribbling) while singing "A...B...C".

We tried the nursery again on Sunday, but to no avail. One of the nursery workers came up to me after service to tell me that Naomi had tried to climb the gate, causing the gate to fall on her, and then gotten upset, which caused her to slam her head back into the floor. She said they had been watching Naomi (they called in two more workers after I checked her in), but the whole event just took them by surprise. She felt awful, but I told her it was fine and I probably should have warned her. Naomi can be the most social and jovial toddler, running around smiling and waving at everyone, but she's a little Jekyll and Hyde. Please let the next baby be more like Manny...even though Naomi is exactly what I need.

A great blessing is that Naomi really pays attention and learns a lot of "rules" quickly. I told her drawing is only on paper and she hasn't drawn on anything else since. She stopped putting things in her mouth after just a couple weeks when she was an infant and usually brings me anything small that she finds on the ground. I only had to tell her once not to touch the trash. Every parent's dream! On the other hand, when she is stubborn, like not wanting to wear or eat something, she will kick, pull hair, claw, or even bite--yeesh, so violent!

She seems to take pain really well--she takes the nastiest spills, dusts herself off, frowns at her scrape, and moves on.. She likes to be silly. Very nurturing. Loves water (a little too much). And after this week with the grandparents, she probably expects ice cream with every meal. Haha. It was a great week with them. I can tell Naomi misses them. I certainly do. Well, I was sort of rude to them a couple times. :( I'd like to justify it, but I can't. I know I worry too much. Looking forward to growing in that area.

I added the rest of the photos from the visit, but you'll have to skip about 80 or so photos to see them (Korean BBQ, Jubilee, more presents).

scrap happy:

The mini-accordion album from mare is complete! Click here for the photos.

A lot has been going on at our church...but wishing to protect people's privacy, I'll have to think about how to say it.

birthday wishes:

happy birthday, peg!

photos, links:

Click for Photos (with captions) from the grandparents' visit.

They'll be back on Friday. So far, we've gone to San Francisco Zoo (better pics than Oakland), Winchester Mystery House (honestly, that tour is overpriced and a little suffocating, but it's like Alcatraz--you go when friends and family visit), Santana Row, and also visited Manny's uncle in the City. They also went to Peninsula Creamery, Haagen Dazs (she loves coconut-pineapple ice cream now), and Ikea while I studied at home, so no photos.

Naomi is pretty attached to her grandpa and has no separation anxiety from me when he's around. She really seems to prefer being around boys and men. I can't believe how many presents she's received from them, and it's not even Christmas or her birthday! What will they do when she's old enough to beg ask?

A couple random links:

[via 6togo]: Holy Huggables talking Jesus, Moses, and Esther dolls!

[via ray]: News report video on the Jiffy Lube rip-off.

Naomi grabbed several handfuls from Fifi and Fufu's bowls to feed them (visiting Uncles Pancho and David in the City).

Naomi with Grandma and Grandpa, soaking up the love at San Francisco Zoo. She slays me.

flash black:

Five years ago, on my way to a work-related class, I turned on the radio and heard, "I repeat: The second trade center tower has collapsed." Five years later, I look back at the "day that changed America" and reflect on how much the tragedy united people...and how short-lived that unity was. I guess unity based in fear would probably be temporary, at best. You can't move on with that degree of fear. I saw a movie once where they said that religion can be created out of the fear that unites. I would agree. However, some lives were probably brought to a true faith--and I believe unity based on a firm faith lasts an eternity. I don't equate that with religion.

It took me a couple days before I let the grief set in. I mourned the loss. I am still mourning it. I truly believe in triumph over tragedy. Have people really triumphed, though? Are we truly victorious? Tragedy continues to be used to exploit others. After those events, people's minds were cleared momentarily. What was important in life rose out of those ashes. Are we now so easily distracted?

paint for wood:

I got these decorative wooden letters spelling out Naomi (only 79 cents each) and wanted to paint them, but what type or brand of paint is best?

Yes, the grandparents are here. They and Manny took Naomi out. I finished my exam at last. Yeeeahhh boyyyyyyyy! lol Anyway, that means I'm probably going to make it off of academic probation. And I'm going to hurry through the next section, now that I sort of know what I'm doing...

catching up:

I decided to start the medical transcription exam today while half-watching Naomi, sometimes typing with one hand and holding her with the other, with her pulling my headset off repeatedly. I can only work if I have complete silence from her (naps are too short), so this was as good as it could get. Perhaps not the best scenario, but I only have until Tuesday to turn it in for grading. Usually Manny has to take Naomi out in order for me to concentrate. He usually comes home at 7pm, but for a couple weeks, it was more like 9 and 10pm.

One thing, though, is that I am a total anti-procrastinator (one of the reasons motherhood was hard for me), so I'm pretty sure I'll get it done in time, one way or another. The good news is that Manny's parents come this weekend, so I should have the extra hours I need. Naomi hasn't been well for a few weeks now, so a lot has had to be set aside.

It also requires mental gear-shifting to go from, "Naomi, no fussy please. Fussy makes uh-oh" to "Tympanic membranes are bilaterally erythematous." (By the way, that's just a more specific way of saying "both ear drums are red") I need that verbal complexity once in a while. Even the brain needs exercise. Thus I enjoy reading your blogs, dear friends.

I am so excited about my in-laws coming, even though I still feel bad about being such a grouch when Naomi was colicky. I couldn't take it out on her, of course, so family was the next target. Sometimes I feel like there are things one can't take back, even if the parties have reconciled. But at least we can work towards making it better, even if it's never going to be the same.

academic probation:

Yes, my mom visiting, Manny working late, Naomi needing to go out or not feeling well, no sleep, no babysitter, etc.--no excuse. The opening of a long email I received today. *sigh* I've never been on academic probation...Pray I'll catch up!

Hi Amy,
I am very concerned about your progress. You are at risk of being placed on academic probation because you have not met the course policy requirements so far. Your first assessment was due two months ago, and you are only now submitting your first verifications. If your assessment is submitted on or before 9/12/06, I will ask [name omitted] to remove your name from the list of students scheduled to be placed on academic probation. If it is not submitted by then, you will be placed on probation for the remainder of your time in the course.

starting over:

Every so often, some church members leave to find a new church home while several new members join. This latest "cycle" has been the most discouraging to me. Just now, I went to the website of a family I've really felt close to for many years and found that the password had been changed. It's easy enough to ask them for it, but I kind of feel rejected in some way. The last time I spoke to the mom, she said the hard part about leaving was starting anew. But I don't know if the families that have left know that it makes me feel like I have to start over as well, that I feel a little left behind. Because, after all, I considered them family, close family.

I see my friends literally as my family because I don't have much of a sense of real family. The irony is that I don't always know how to act on that love because of the lack of social/family experience. But I try. I've emailed, called, but it seems as though I'm off in college again--where those I was "close" to when I saw them daily in high school suddenly aren't my friends anymore because they're off at another college. At the same time, I understand that we are at an age where we're all busier--bonding events with someone you seldom see anymore almost have to be scheduled to happen. I'd love to say I'm reading into it too much, but think I can tell, though, when I've been more or less "cut."

I do wish, though, that people would be honest with me about not continuing a friendship rather than just let me continue to try to contact them without receiving a response. Maybe they're letting me down easy, or maybe it's not such a big deal to them, but I guess I have to just suck it up and move on. If we were to recognize each other in heaven, though, maybe I'd say, "Yeah, well, now you're stuck with me forever!" Just kidding.

I know I've offended friends a couple times, with much regret, but that's not the case with the people I'm referring to (as far as I know). Yet I still wonder if I just didn't do enough, or if I'm unlikeable, or really that foolish to have thought we were better friends than we were. "I thought we were family..."

So I'm that much more thankful to those of you who have continued to keep in touch with me every once in a while. I appreciate it a lot more than I can say. Cecille and I are still closest friends even though we don't see each other more than once a year. I hope that friendship is that meaningful to you.

On a related note, my readership has died down recently. And now I feel like I am opening up more. Correlation? Who knows? I'll just keep on writing.

oakland zoo:

I was already going to use this photo for this entry, but I guess it's now fitting in light of the latest news. It's sad to hear the Crocodile Hunter is no longer with us.


Gibbons monkey just hanging out.


Giraffes!

Friday, we had a moms' outing to the Oakland Zoo. The weather was fabulous and I'm proud of myself and Naomi (and, yes, thankful to God) for making it through the day after a very rough night. You know, I never went to the zoo as a kid, not even petting zoos, but I don't feel sorry for myself, because now I get to really enjoy it along with the kiddies. :) Sometimes I think these trips are just as much for me as for Naomi. :) These moms are such supermoms--I always go home inspired.

Click here for the photos from the trip.

you don't always know why:

There are times in my life when I've asked God why. More often than not, I found that the very event that broke my heart was used in a mighty way later on. I found that God knows exactly what He is doing, even if I question its "goodness." Everything does happen for a purpose, a reason, even if I don't know that reason. Like what happened to Joseph in the bible. ("You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Gen 50:20, cf Rom 8:28)

I know many people, including myself, who have said, "We're waiting until such-and-such to have a(nother) child." And yet two couples I know have tried just about everything to have a child for several years. After many obstacles, at the time one was able to adopt from a certain country, the other found that same door was shut. But in both cases, I got to witness tremendous joy, trust, and hope. Not hope in their dreams, but hope in Jesus. Likewise with some awesome friends of mine who are struggling with singleness--I wonder why God hasn't brought the right person along yet, but it's just not the right time.

I just found out that a friend of mine lost her baby. I truly grieved, to a level I haven't grieved in a long time. The timing seemed right for their pregnancy. A child could not ask for better parents. They were already in love with this child. But God saw it fit to take the child at a time that seemed too soon to me. I can't exactly imagine it, but I think losing a child would probably be the most devastating thing to have happen to me. And yet, I know good will ultimately come of this. It already has.