missing again:

We have not had any contact with my brother since August 21, when he was reportedly discharged from a medical center to an emergency shelter in Los Angeles.  My cousin Daniel went to the medical center and then the shelter, and they could not release info to him, except to say my brother was not in the shelter's database.  However, they do not always do a check-in, so it's possible he was there.  His most recent ATM statement shows that he had used up all $40 within the two days in the East L.A. area.  So we do not know of his activities since August 23.  Because it is his own bank account, we cannot help him out with any money.  Social Security also needs to find him in order to verify his current status, and that is the main reason we need to get a hold of him.  Unfortunately, he has not called, and we are not sure where we can find him.  He no longer has a conservator, as we had pushed to have him removed from his previous situation due to abuse and negligence.  Possibly because of that trauma, he will continue to flee the system.  Please pray for my brother's safety and get the word out for us if you know people in the area.  My cousin has set up a website at johnisloved.com with contact/tip information and photos.  My parents aren't well enough to drive out to file the missing persons report, which has to be done in person, but the LAPD has him in their database, so we're hoping it'll be an easy relaunch.

fellowship, old and new:

It's been a roller coaster ride, as always, and fellowship opportunities came at a great time.  We had to cancel having some people over, and it felt refreshing being invited to other homes (by people who really know how to do it, not my amateur ways).  A family from our old church had us over their beautiful home Saturday night, along with a number of other folks we hadn't seen in ages and some new ones, including a missionary couple from Alaska.  It was a nice time of catching up.  Lucas took a while to warm up, but eventually did.  Naomi just talked and talked.  When I told her afterward she may be talking too much, she said that her friends also talked so much that she had to tune them out sometimes.  Haha.  I really enjoyed Dixit, the storytelling game we played.  It was interesting and different, reminiscent of Balderdash and Apples to Oranges, but also easy and didn't require much skill.  I love games where I can use my right-brainedness.  Manny is totally left-brained, so he just observed.  

To be honest, my favorite part of the night was all these people whom I hardly ever see asking me how I was doing with genuine care.  So much has been going on, and it's amazing what a difference a kind word or "how are you doing/feeling?" can make in my life.  As a matter of fact, people have randomly popped back in my life just thinking of me randomly or asking me to pray about a decision or whatever, just as happened before when I was going through some other trials.  Those are the ways, the times I see how God shows me how He cares for me in very specific ways.  I love to pray for other people.  I don't mean all holding hands and singing kumbaya around a campfire (although that would be nice), but I really like it when someone understands that I'm here for them and vice versa.

Sunday afternoon we went to a church potluck dinner with a group of people we didn't know.  We'd never even talked to the hosts before.  I brought Martha Stewart's macaroni and cheese, which was a hit (except with Manny and another friend who don't care for mac and cheese that much).  We were the only people there with kids, but I thought it was nice because Lucas got Naomi to himself for a change, and they enjoyed playing in the backyard.  They had this dart gun, and after Naomi sweetly said, "May I be excused from the table?" she added, "and can I take the gun?"  Not words you usually hear.  The men that own the house are bachelors.  They garden, they cook, they bike a hundred miles a week at least, do stunts (not kidding), go on missions trips, and do great work in the community.  But most importantly they are loving individuals motivated by love, and like one of them said, that's what it all comes down to.

Naomi with her friends.

As often happens, the kids sit and listen to Naomi's long stories.

Game time!

Picking tomatoes with E. after dinner.

Discussing spiritual matters over frozen yogurt.

update on...everything major:

My in-laws picked my parents up yesterday to take them to the hospital for my father's first major surgery.  He has another one for a separate issue, and this was also the first major surgery he's ever had.  The doctor called me quickly and it sounded like everything went well, although they had to remove the entire kidney and adrenal gland along with the tumor.  There was no evidence of metastasis, so he should be cancer-free now.  He should be discharged either Saturday or Sunday, and my in-laws will pick them up.  I'm so thankful my in-laws could help my parents, because my parents don't really have anyone else they can count on nearby.

The latest update on my brother is that he is at an emergency shelter.  He had been placed against his will in a lockdown facility, but was abruptly discharged to another one, and then they in turn discharged him to the shelter.  I have a feeling it's because he's uncooperative or causing disruption, but no one will answer my parents' questions.  They lost conservatorship years ago, so there's no legal obligation to disclose details to them.

I also went to the obgyn on Thursday, and everything is okay so far.  It was confirmed I am 8 weeks along, and there is only one baby (sorry, no triplets, Manny!).  I could see the fingers and toes, and I could see the heart beating.  That's a living baby.  For whatever reason, my (male) doctor has given me blob pictures both this time and with Lucas.  His wife, my former obgyn, gave me a beautiful ultrasound image for Naomi.  I think she knew how important it was to me, and he just gave me a copy of him measuring the length.  Haha.

Now that I'm over 35, they have to run an extra set of tests for me.  I was nervous about the 14 vials sitting there waiting to be filled, given my track record of having to be poked several times before finding a vein successfully, but the person did fine.  I think something people forget about the medical field is that you have to be good with your hands and not just book smart.  That's why all smart Asians need not all be doctors.

Naomi had a night of vomiting on Tuesday, and Lucas had his MMR and chicken pox shots on Wednesday, so it was a rough couple of days.  Naomi had to go to Lucas's appointment, but she crashed when we got home.  Then she woke up fine, and was back to eating and being energetic.  Lucas was groggy and feverish the evening after his shots.  He was brave and didn't cry when he got them.  Manny might also have injured his knees while walking with Lucas, so hoping and praying for healing there as well, especially before we go visit the family again.

I still managed to get through school this week, having to double up the work on a couple days.  I also went in with the kids to see the ISP coordinators and pick up some STAR testing materials.  I'm supposed to have the baby at the end of March by c-section, so I'm wondering how we'll sort out the baby and Naomi's testing, but I guess I'll try to do what I can earlier in the year.  Hopefully this nausea and fatigue will be gone by the second trimester (it was for Lucas, but I vomited all nine months with Naomi).

girls' dates:

On Saturday, Naomi and I went out to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green.  Tuesday night was a Girls' Night Out with some friends from church.  Both were very refreshing, and I'm very thankful to Manny for watching one or both kids so I could have a couple breaks.

I was already choking up during the trailers for Les Miserables, The Hobbit, and even Wreck-It Ralph.  I don't know if it was hormones or what, but I cried through half the movie.  I never like crying in theaters.  The movie is somewhat standard and predictable, but it was surprisingly intense for me, maybe because they focused on real human struggles.  Naomi, who does get emotional during movies, didn't find it as sad and appreciated the light-hearted moments for what they were.

Dinner at a pasta restaurant was pretty nice, even though I was pretty nauseous.  The other ladies had gone to get manicures and pedicures, but Manny doesn't usually get off work that early, and I try to avoid certain chemicals if I'm possibly expecting anyway.  Everyone was welcoming and talked to me.  The two other minority women had a change of plans, so as you can see, I'm not like the others.  But we get along well, because we are sincere and transparent with each other, and that's refreshing.  Most of them have known each other for many years, and I appreciate them never making me feel like a newbie or outsider.

end of summer, first day of school:

Naomi finished her swim class and the speaking skills class right before we left for SoCal.  We also signed up for a one-day session at a cooking school for kids with her friend C. Naomi had the best time and begged to go back the next day, so we got there early and they squeezed us in.  The class made some pretty fancy foods, including fruit tarts, broccoli and cheese pinwheels, yogurt pound cake, and cheese braids with sausage. While she was in class, I had three hours to deal with logistics for finding my brother.  Then we were packing and off to SoCal the next day.  When we returned, the kids ran to their dad at the airport, and Manny took us out for some Taiwanese food.  He watched the kids while I crashed and took two long naps.    It was pretty exhausting for him, so I haven't asked him to do that since.  It was great to see family, but we're glad to be home again and back to our routine.  Naomi got to go to a birthday swim/tea/playground/pajama party at her friend Rachel's house.  What a bash!  No photos, because many parties are now drop-off parties.  She did one last art project for herself, depicting us as a family of bears, complete with a blueprint.  

This morning we got up, took Lucas to his preschool class, and we started our first day of second grade at home.  Naomi started some new things like cursive, world geography, McGuffey readers (schoolbooks from ye olden days), and even some Latin and Chinese.  She already corrected our new spelling curriculum, which is supposed to one of the best out there, and she tried to create her own version of a geography book.  The spelling course has these phonogram cards that list out all the sounds a letter can make (excluding letters that change next to "h"), so "g" can be pronounced two different ways, "o" four different ways, etc.  For "t", it says it's only pronounced one way, but she immediately noted that t doesn't only make the hard "t" sound, but "sh" as in "station" and "convention" (her examples).  I guess she's right!  I'll write the publishers and ask.  I like that she doesn't just accept what she's taught and tries to get to the bottom of things.  I do wish that translated to a greater appreciation for math, but you can't win 'em all.

Lucas said he did nothing in his class, but he had fun and wanted to go back.  The teacher said the only thing he did was the shaving cream art, or that's what he liked, but he told me he didn't even do that.  I didn't see any evidence of it on him.  He said he just watched the other kids and the teachers (for three hours!).  The doctor and school district suggested preschool to help him with his social comfort level and speech, but just as with Sunday School, he just stays under the radar.  I talked to the teachers beforehand about it, but they can't spend all their time focusing on him or forcing him to talk.  He doesn't qualify for the school district's speech classes (i.e., his speech is still within normal range), and insurance won't cover a private therapist, so I guess it's just a matter of us working with him to improve over time.  He's much more comfortable talking to adults than his peers, but once in a while he finds that one friend.  He talks all the time at home, but not so much in public, and many of my inner circle are exactly like that, so I don't mind it that much.

Manny and I went to school, and I think Naomi has much more social savvy than we ever had, so I don't think it makes a huge difference if you're homeschooled, as long as you're not kept in a bubble.  All she wants to do is socialize, and all I ever wanted to do in school was hide and stop being bullied.  Anyway, what works for her doesn't mean it's going to work for Lucas or any other child.  We don't push what works for our family on others.  I know we won't always get that in return, and it's okay.  I've learned from Manny to just nod and smile and go on with my life.  :)

Naomi will move to level 3 next year.  Her best skill was actually the dolphin (precursor to butterfly).

 

Naomi took her pony Isabella for one of her early presentations, and her kitty Abigail for the final one.  

Yay, Yogurtland!

Naomi at her Young Chefs cooking class.

Yummy broccoli and cheese pinwheels.

Naomi's project before school started--a bear family diorama.  I love how she draws out plans now before she makes the projects, because I like to plan!

First day of second grade!

Here's how we found Lucas during the free play after his class--just sitting in the middle of the room doing nothing, but he reports it was a lot of fun doing nothing!

happy photos from trip to grandma's:

Even though it was a rough time, and we had to miss events we'd planned to attend like Vacation Bible Camp, I'm glad the kids got to see the family and friends.  At the beginning, Naomi prayed we'd find my brother, and at the end, she prayed that God would keep her grandparents healthy.  She kept saying she missed Papi, but Lucas wouldn't answer if I asked or talked about him.  But when he saw Manny at the airport, he hugged him tight and was happy.

Lucas's first plane flight.  He liked everything except the turbulence.

Naomi enjoying her food at Grandma's.

Lucas chillin' with Auntie.

My parents and I walked all over the city and across the freeway.

What Naomi did with the Jenga blocks at night.  She made a volleyball court and diving platform because she knows I like those events. 

Grandma's dogs are great lap dogs.

Going to visit a retiring coworker of Grandpa's and getting a historical tour of the post office.

Picnic at the park!

Naomi, Lucas, T, and S getting hosed down (the older kids are testing themselves against the spray).

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Always happy to see Lucas making a friend.

My parents dropping by to say hi to the kids.

two long weeks:

When I found out that my brother had gone missing from a mental health facility, I spent three days making calls, researching, and contacting people for help.  One of my friends went out by the facility to pass out flyers, and someone said they'd seen him a few days before, wandering around on Whittier Blvd in L.A., but didn't know he was missing.  Of course, this made us feel worse, because we probably could have found him early on if we'd known he was missing.  My parents also told me he had reported being assaulted to them, and they didn't really believe him or do anything about it!  I wish they'd told me so that I could have looked into following up for him.  After that, he wasn't taking their calls, and I have a feeling that's why he ran away.

We canceled a barbecue we were going to host with friends, and the kids had to keep themselves occupied for long stretches.  It was hard to get everything I needed to get done, and Manny didn't seem to understand all that I was going through.  That Friday morning, I found out my father had gone to urgent care for passing a lot of blood, and they had discovered a tumor.   Manny encouraged me to go, and I booked a flight down to help search for my brother the next day.  My sister-in-law arrived to pick me up, and I'm so thankful to have a situation where my in-laws and parents live by each other.  I had to take the kids, but Grandma was able to watch them while I was out.  The day I arrived, my parents cried to my in-laws about their situation.  I know it felt hopeless for them, and between wondering if their son was alive and wondering if my dad would live, it was a lot to handle in one week.

After my in-laws left my parents' house, I got to work, looked things up online, contacted some friends and family, then we drove out about half hour to make copies of the flyers at the only place still open in the area.  Then I went back to get the kids to bed.  The next morning, a Sunday, we drove out about 2.5 hours to start searching for my brother.  It was a shot in the dark, going to a place we knew he liked to visit and looking for a needle in a haystack (but a big needle--there aren't that many large Asians wandering the streets alone).  We walked for eight hours in the heat with a few breaks, all over the city and back and forth, and I don't know how my parents did it.  My father was in great pain from his condition, and my mother had taken a nasty fall on the curb early on.  But they walked faster than me!  We stopped twice for a quick bite.  I was really tired and sore, and knew I was possibly pregnant, but I still plodded on and drank Coke against my better judgment.

Our route started at the beach where we parked.  We walked up to the police station to get some information.  It was apparent that my parents needed me there due to their limited English and my father's aversion to crowds.  It was just like when I was a little kid and had to always ask for info for them, except back then I could barely see over the counters.  We went to the high school and gave a flyer to security.  Then my father and I both thought we ought to speak to a few of the homeless people.  I gave a couple of them the last box of McNuggets we had. We were directed to various shelters and walked all over town.  One in particular was very hard to get to, but once we were there, a number of people recognized my brother and said they'd seen him.  One said he'd probably be back at the Pier, so back we went again.  It was a tremendous joy, even though they were saying he was just standing there or trying to hide by a building in the middle of the night.  We knew he was not well, and the shelter wasn't open during the weekend for food, nor were its beds open to the public.  But he was seen alive, and we felt we were close.  My parents kept thinking random people were him.  I know it was wishful thinking and felt bad for them.  It didn't help that I would say, "But that guy's blonde!"  "He's way too tall!"   "That's a woman!"  We went back to take some of the flyers down, concerned now that if he were found, the police would take him back to the facility from which he'd escaped.

At the end of the day, we sat down on a bench.  I thought of how beautiful it was, yet I couldn't enjoy it wondering where my brother was.  But I believed we'd find him.  My parents dropped me off at home, and a short time later, they called me to say that one of the shelter attendants had called saying they had my brother but couldn't keep him.  After this we had some back-and-forth interactions with a number of county lawyers, and after a hearing, the facility and public guardian no longer have conservatorship over him.

Knowing my brother was alive, even if not perfectly well, gave us comfort.  We then had to deal with my parents' health.  My parents needed me there to fill out paperwork and translate for the doctor.  After the first appointment, we learned it could either be renal (kidney) cancer or renal tuberculosis.  My father and I had a good talk and reached closure on some issues.  I think my parents go back and forth on the existence of God, needing Him in a desperate situation as many do, but they don't really think of Him as more than a cosmic force and don't believe the gospel of the Bible.

After several appointments and a second CT scan, we were told last Friday that it is most likely cancer.  The good news is that even with the removal of a kidney and possibly an adrenal gland, my dad can function with one kidney.  His surgery is set for the 23rd of this month, if those of you who pray could pray for him.  My in-laws were kind enough to offer to give him a ride to the hospital.  He has an excellent urologist, largely due to Medicare.  My mother, not yet 65, has to go to the county clinic, which is pretty horrendous.  I remember it being not entirely helpful when I went growing up, since we didn't have insurance.  It took six weeks before she got the result of her TB test, which was negative.  This week they should be able to determine the cause of her incessant cough.  I hadn't planned on telling them I was expecting until the end of the first trimester, but I couldn't enter the CT room due to radiation, so I had to tell them.

The kids had a pretty nice time for the most part.  They got to run in the sprinklers or play with the hose a few of the days.  A heatwave rolled in, and the car thermometers read about 110-120°F.  The second weekend we were there, my sister-in-law took us on a picnic at the park, and then we went to McDonald's.  Lucas likes the playplace, but he needs Naomi to help him up, and often when she makes new friends her age, he gets left behind.  I wish he knew how to make his own friends, but he just clings to Naomi.  I don't want him to be unsociable when he grows up, but often other kids find him a little odd or quiet, and he gets bossy with adults, which is also not acceptable.  Aside from that Saturday, I stayed in and watched the Olympics or hung out with Lucas the days I was home, except one day when M and her kids stopped by to visit.  Naomi went with the grandparents to the store or her aunt's house a couple times.  The kids ate well, played with the dogs (Lucas teased them), and spent time with their grandparents.  We went out to Old Spaghetti Factory the day before we left, and the kids really enjoyed it.  The kids meal is rather huge.  They probably could have split one between them.  Naomi picked the fried ravioli appetizer, pasta with meat sauce, minestrone, and spumoni for dessert.  Needless to say, it was a happy ending to our stay there.

update (now my dad):

Due to legal reasons, I've removed info and updates about my brother, but feel free to email me if you are a friend who is not on Face.book.

My father has a possible diagnosis of either renal cancer or renal tuberculosis.  Both are treatable, and it appears there is no metastasis (spreading), but we'll find out for sure next week.  Please pray for his health and state of mind, especially with all the stress lately.