different:

I recently joined a book study with my moms group.  We're reading through Different, and I love it so far (both the book and the study).  It's once a month at a house not too far from us, and the kids can just play in the house or the backyard.  The hostess and attendees pitched in with treats.

I am in another weekly study, and usually I would not want to rearrange our schedule for something like this, but I felt this is one I wanted and maybe even needed to join.  I teared up reading even the introduction to the book.  It's as if Sally and her son Nathan are telling our family's story.  Nathan is now an adult, so it gave me a glimpse into a possible future for Lucas.  It's not all roses, but there is a peace in knowing we don't have to conform to people to be what God desires of us.  I'd gone too long listening to others' and even my own doubts about Lucas.  It's only when I challenged that thinking and began to change that he began to thrive.  I had put him down, thought the worst of his future, and resented him for "making" Manny disrespect me.  Manny often said that I was babying him when he was a toddler, though I was not spoiling him.  He just wasn't developing at the rate we would have expected.  Manny noticed since Lucas was a baby that something was different, but neither of us knew the extent of it.  At four years of age, he'd become out of control.  We thought he was just being difficult and rebellious and needed more discipline to keep him under control.  It was a fiery ordeal, and sadly I was surprised by it.  Handling Lucas was a round-the-clock job that left me little time and energy for much else, although I continued to do the best I could with taking care of and teaching Naomi, and making time for and keeping up with certain things for Manny (which he didn't even really want, he later told me).  Manny and I felt very alone.  Every year began to seem worse than the last, until it wasn't.  Not by circumstances, but more by my perspective.

Today, I can tell you Lucas' aspirations, his fears, his likes and dislikes, his strengths, and more, whereas even two years ago, I could only tell you that he was different, and I couldn't get in his head.  He still has his moments, but we can through them much more quickly now.  As she says in the book, what if raising my son is an act of service God has called me to?  My life became harder, but it became richer.  Over time, Manny has also grown in his understanding of Lucas.  I still get triggered to the point of rage whenever Lucas is mean to Isaac without provocation, but that is personal issue I am working through with a counselor (stems from being constantly bullied physically and verbally as a child by classmates, teachers, and family).  My self-control has improved greatly.  Sometimes I see Isaac as myself at that age, having to deal with and fear Lucas' outbursts or authoritarianism like I did with my brother, but still coming to his defense and loving him unconditionally.   In moments when I'm bewildered about why God would give me Lucas, I later recall that I have this wealth and depth of experience, I am a "rescuer" at heart, and the Lord is with me always.  I may not be able to do it in my own strength, but He will always be there to guide me.

cc week 3:

Last week went a little better with Isaac in the sense that I didn't have to pull him out of class while screaming.  I tried to talk to him beforehand about not making his issues affect everyone else's learning.  He can signal me if he has an emergency, and I will help him.  It seemed to work.  But then the tutor asked me if something was wrong with Isaac.  She thought he seemed to be more shy!  I guess she didn't mind all his talking and occasional meltdowns.  She preferred that over quiet Isaac.  I didn't think he was too quiet.  If anything, he participated more in the review games than he had previously.  He was more shy about his presentation, though, because they had to recite a poem, and he wanted to do "This Little Piggy" (pigs are his favorite animals), but I had asked him if he could do something a little more his age and level, and it made him doubt himself.  There I go again.  So, I told him to go ahead and do "This Little Piggy," and it was fine, after I got him to come out from under the table.  He feels that he cannot keep up with the memory work, but I tell him he doesn't have to get everything, just try and listen, and he'll hear it again and again.  And the way classical works, they learn in cycles, so he'll hear it all again in three years if we stay with the program.  

Lucas doesn't want me in his class at all.  He says he's doing fine without me, and he is.  The tutor says he's the most prepared for his presentations and one of the most well-behaved in class.  On the flip side, he's not as assertive or bold as some of the other kids, but I'm sure he'll warm up over time.  By this week (week 3), he was already playing games with the rest of the class, so I think he'll be fine.  He pulls out his own snack, gets his presentations ready and done, and answers all the questions.  One of the moms who sits in his class is a friend, and she and the tutor give me the rundown each week.  He doesn't always understand all the instructions for the experiments and art projects, though, and it seems to discourage him a little, but he's still doing well.  Lately, I've seen Lucas begin to look forward to things.  He asks to go to certain places and often talks about moving to Hawaii.  He's starting to talk about his nervousness about the future, growing up, etc.  I love how much he's talking to me about his fears, aspirations, interests, etc.  For anyone who's had a child who didn't talk for three years and then could not communicate or think for the next five, this is a dream come true.

The boys don't really want to eat lunch with the other kids yet.  Many of the kids are too rowdy even for my boys.  That's so different from how Naomi was in her classes.  She would extend lunch with other kids to three hours if she could. 

This seems like a school for the boys, but it's more like an enrichment program.  I'm still the primary teacher, and CC is not our focus or what we spend the most school time on each day.  However, it has been wonderful for giving the kids an opportunity to work with, interact with, deal with, and play with other kids.  Our tutor has a child in the class who is sometimes vying for her attention or disruptive.  I thought it was odd the first couple of weeks, but by week 3, we're all pitching in to help now.  One of the moms took over instruction, I took over helping the kids and helping gather the tutor's children, and we all help set up and clean up.  And that's why we call it Community Day.  

Outlining our states and marking the five capitals for the week.

Discussing the Boston Tea Party.  To be clear, the kids aren't dressing up as Native Americans as a form of appropriation.  This is to show how the colonists dressed up as Mohawks when they dumped the tea.

They said to where whatever we wanted for the photo, and the kids showed up semi-coordinated.  

With their faithful tutor.

We used a pencil to take the kids' fingerprints, which they examined with a magnifying glass.  Every fingerprint, every child is created unique!

Lucas' class getting ready for their photo.  I couldn't stay for it.

The kids enjoying a reading of the Turn-Around Upside-Down Alphabet Book for their art lesson.

after school with girls and play art with boys:

Last Friday after school I took Naomi and a couple of her friends out for boba and a trip to the dollar store.  They seemed to enjoy it.  She's hung out with their families outside of school, and this time I took them out.  I'll take them out for Korean fried chicken next time, since they all seem to like it.  None of them are Korean or Chinese (except Naomi's half, of course), but our area continues to grow in Asian population and influence.

Later that night, the boys and I went to Palo Alto Art Center for their Play! exhibit.  We met up with another family.  I'm not sure I would have gone up otherwise; the Friday traffic is terrible in both directions.  But I'm glad we did.  It was fun, and it's been a while since I took the boys to an art museum.

Isaac took this photo of one of the several "Brilliance" lighted sculptures.  The texts are listed at the city site (this one was number 5).

A room full of silver clouds (Warhol's Silver Clouds).  Isaac had it to himself at first and had the time of his life.

Once Lucas joined it of course became a pillow fight, but they were gentle.  Some of the other kids popped a couple of them, so they had to close it for a while.

These art pieces were tempting to play with, especially for Isaac, but the boys were great about keeping their hands off.

These Hoberman spheres opened and closed in a pattern.

Isaac of course wanted a video so he could watch it again later.

We love colors!

A nice lady asked to take a photo of us.

Mini golf with the balls exiting down xylophones or art pieces.

Lucas with a rainbow sprinkle Mr. Frostee (he didn't really want the sprinkles, so I ate a lot of it).

What I drew while waiting for the boys to finish their ice creams.  I messed up the feet.

The boys changing it all to shades of blue.  Some adults waited patiently waited for them to get through almost all of it, even though I told them to go ahead.  Nice people.

More pinball!  But harder to play with the required oversized gloves.

Running back to the car through the Brilliance sculptures.

field trip to chabot space and science center:

Last week, I took the boys up to the Chabot Space and Science Center to, well, learn about space and science, and also see the pinball exhibit which closes soon.  I actually had planned to go with another family who lives by there (they told me about it), but they got sick, so then it was just us.  I didn't invite anyone else in the event we could not make it either.  Sometimes I don't even know till right before we leave if it'll be possible for us to go.  I have to take into account the amount of school we've finished, our schedules, the boys' temperament and health, etc.  Lucas had something that afternoon as well, and the drive is an hour and half, so I think I also wanted to maximize our time and do some individual teaching.  Sometimes if we go with a larger group, I find my kids' learning sort of gets lost in the shuffle.  There are occasions for more social field trips as well (I'm organizing one for next month), but I'm glad we went alone this time.

The boys have actually never played on pinball machines before.  I wanted them to see it, but I know it was more for me than them.  They ended up really enjoying it and wishing we could go back, but I told them we wouldn't be able to.  I didn't get a chance to play as much as I wanted (it was unlimited free play, and fairly empty the day we went), but I was satisfied with the trip down memory lane.  Why does 1999 not seem that long ago?  Now it's a classic or vintage.  The only new-ish machine they had was The Hobbit, and it was pretty amazing.  I haven't kept up with the latest pinball technology.

We also got to look through their space telescopes, the kind that peer out through domes.  I'm still very thankful to finally have a kid (Isaac) who finds outer space interesting.  Being an astronomer is my unrealized dream, but I can still be a spectator and be amazed at the expanse of God's creation.  I'd love to come back at night someday.  Driving up in the mountains at night could be a bit unnerving, though.

There was an traffic incident on the way back, so I rerouted using the GPS.  The thing is, I completely forgot about the toll bridge!  I knew I had $3 in my wallet and somehow found a fourth.  And then four quarters.  At some point, Lucas wanted one of those souvenir pennies but then changed his mind.  Had he not, I'd be short fifty cents of the $5 toll!  So thankful it worked out.  I don't know what happens if you can't pay a toll.  Maybe a ticket?  That toll used to be $2 when I first moved up here, I think.

The sundial showing that it's about 11:30.

Some vintage pinball machines with an enlarged replica of the artwork.  Many of the original artists are unknown/uncredited.

Isaac loves to be high up; Lucas, not so much.

Isaac on Mars.

A replica of New Horizons which made it to Pluto.  So many breakthroughs in my lifetime.

Isaac trying out the module that took the first American, Alan Shepard, into space. 

Wow, we had the place to ourselves for a little while.  The exhibit was right by the telescopes.

Very old pinball game that was more like Plinko.

The first one I played, since I'm a child of the 80s.

Isaac's first pinball game, and he loved it.

Machines from various eras.

Visual (see-through) pinball machines so the kids could see the inner workings.  Nice view as well.

Were we there for the boys or for me?

Isaac was good about not touching anything and getting up there on his own.  This one was pointed at Venus, which looked a bright yellow.  We thought this one was huge...

Until we saw this one!  They had me go up with the boys.  Lucas was brave, but it was pretty scary for him.  We saw a star through this one.

Isaac trying on the space helmet.  He'd have to grow into it.

Grabbing a bit to eat.  We made it five minutes before it closed.  I didn't know it would close, so it's a good thing.

Back to the pinball exhibit--Isaac tried the different mechanisms.  I find this stuff so interesting.  I no longer remember how to build these kinds of contraptions.

The boys fought over this one (more about how to play than taking turns), so we had to go.  There was an older man there who was on it for a very long time, and he hopped back on once we left.

Isaac pushed a button, and the bumpers bounced the balls everywhere.  I like that cha-ching sound they make.

They got a kick out of being able to "touch the sun."  Isaac noticed the solar flare and asked what causes them.

Lucas just shy of being able to reach the handles to pull himself around as the astronauts do aboard their spacecrafts.

Isaac's favorite thing ever was the plasma ball, which helps explain solar flares (sped up electrons, caused by changes in sun's magnetic field, interacting with plasma).

Lucas using his noggin.

cc week 2:

I thought Isaac would be thriving at Classical Conversations while Lucas would struggle, but it's been the opposite so far.  I have to stay in the room with Isaac more, and Lucas doesn't really want me in his class.  He told me to ask his tutor how he did, though, and I was glad to hear that Lucas is the most prepared and one of the most well-behaved of the bunch.  He does, however, have trouble understanding instructions at times, and sometimes doesn't interact with the other kids much, but I know he will over time.  He panics about his presentation each week, but the tutor and another mom says he does great and answers the questions well.  I'm glad to hear.

Isaac is probably very tired since I get him up an hour or even two earlier than usual to get him to class.  But he does fine after the initial hour.  It's a long day for both boys, but I'm so proud of how they're doing so far.

A lesson in symmetry.  We put the half-spider drawing on a window and traced the other side.  Isaac did a great job and then of course wanted to color it his favorite color green.

Isaac doing a book summary presentation on The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  He was a little too quiet, and then he sat down and proceeded to do a do-over out loud while another child was presenting.

Magnification experiment.  Many of the kids were fighting over the one magnifying glass.  We could have brought one from home, but the one in class, even if it's the same one, would probably be considered cooler.

Counting by twos.  It might have helped if we turned the numbers around so they could read them right-side up.  Many kids went by the colors, some could actually count by twos, but Isaac likes to read numbers.

London Bridge came practicing memory work.

Red Light, Green Light game after lunch.  Lucas is off to the side, unsure if he wants to join.